From the moment I saw you time stopped
only contradicted by our racing hearts
as the moment of impact seemed to last forever
and that first kiss
was all i could remember
of the sudden shock the raced up my back
and held the world still
just long enough for
for me to look upon your immaculance
and realize that you
are the last thing i want to see before i die
A contest entry
- All for All (im taking all poems and no rules =) )) by Erozay.
550 points, ended May 9, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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just long enough for
for me to look upon your immaculance
i see a repeat =) fix that and youve got your self a very good poem -
This is really intense. You may want to correct one line: of the sudden shock 'the' change to 'that' raced up my back. Otherwise this was an excellent expression of love and is conveyed in breathless wonder.
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Gorgeous, and the perfect way to capture the feelings of a moment like that, when you realize who it is you want to be with, who that last kiss will be from. I loved it and it really touched me. awesome write!
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awww
your poem tells alot of who we are right when we see someone we love and long to be with. Keep up the good wrok who knows you might be a good poet one day. Folow your heart and see what lays in store.
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Nice! This feels so honest, and something someone would really love to hear. A lovepoem, and a good one too, to many are just "all the same"- kinda suff, but this one has something special. It makes me feel, and that is really a good thing! It's very well written, and a lot of great lines. You make the words work so well. Keep on writing!
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Very nice
Good word concept, Nice metaphors -
wow
thats a really powerful poem. i like the way the poem opens. i'm big on openings. sometimes if i have something i want to write and i know for sure what it is..i will stall for an hour just trying to think of the perfect opening. so props. it really catches the attention of the reader and draws you into the poem.
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lovely piece, with good choice of words. and i like how the last two lines are separate, giving them more emphasis. that last wish in the last two lines sums it up nicely
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This piece is quite romantic. I loved the last wish and how your words envelop the reader with your emotions...make them become the reader's too. I have just fallen in love again and it is poetry like this that makes you trip over your feet when you think about him. I loved the metaphors and the descriptions/detail within this piece. Keep up the great work!
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Hi, this is a nice poem that flows and never stops indicating that it is somehow eternal. Excellent work that is well worthy of my applause. I have entered a couple of poems in your contest, I hope u like them.
Georges.
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this poem is very beautiful, you had a great choice of words here. i love the last two lines especially, very powerful and i can understand the emotion behind them. this is how my love made me feel and you did an excellt job capturing that feeling. thanks for sharing
Kelcey -
deep and emotional, i like it. great love write
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This is such a great poem! You really show your deep feelings. Keep up the good work! And have fun judging your contest
Plus I like your AP name. I love Armor for sleep, great band!
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wow!
This is a really good write.. You did a great job expressing how you feel! I hope things works out for the best!! Keep up the great work!!
Shannon*Leah
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