.
.
.
maelstrom smiles
once danced like foot-
prints on ocean floor,
before we swept the water
from our arms in a flood
of forget-me-forever-s,
then half-moon promises
curved & snapped under strain
like a rubber band between
fingers too slow;
starfish fell
from evening sky,
arms bent
in snow flake shapes.
gravity swayed inwards,
snow-stars
formed
slush.
& puddles dried in the wind.
.
.
.
though gathered in the dust,
we are alone.
salt spills cluster beside
defective banks;
grass tufts choke back
city cigarette air
& each stalk
splits itself, ripping
the inside green out;
searching for moisture.
eyes clench
in unwelcome prayer,
spewing up leaf-coloured
flags of surrender,
but cynical angels click
fingers, flip coins,
blink,
& float like plastic fish,
with the rain
caught & crushed
in the slipstream.
.
.
.
Author notes
Water personifies all hope. And I couldn't come to describe something without also describing it's lack.
Life’s Liquefaction : http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3172464
xxx
DancingRed
A contest entry
- ROUND 1 Contest ~ Anything goes ~ Points in final round 1950! by Florida Sunshine.
525 points, ended July 20, 2007, 48 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - search by CarCrashHumor.
800 points, ended August 1, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical comments are most welcome.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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The metaphors are awesome. I especially like:
maelstrom smiles
once danced like foot-
prints on ocean floor
by far my favorite part. I really love that line..
The overall write, left me speechless.... nice write~
Thanks so much for entering my contest, good luck to you! -
Wow, this was amazing. I thought your imagery was stellar, your metaphors developed really well. Excellent job.
-
This is starkly vivid in it's imagery, a vision of fat raindrops caught and crushed from their individual distinction, an excellent metaphor for the smoothing out of unique characteristics, individuality, all in pursuit of a meaningless ratrace. An excellent, thought provoking piece! Good job!!!
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Some very strong images have been presented in this piece. I am left feeling very helpless. Hope has been shattered, ideals have come to be nothing to have faith in, fiction. Oh my goodness such emotions pulled inside of me.
Best of luck in this contest. You have done a great job here. ~Pamela
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Water being so essential to life, I can easily see the relationship between it and hope. Your imagery is strong, and while I'm not usually a fan of short lines, I thought it worked well in this piece. Very nice work. Good luck and best wishes in the competition!
~J.
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