He gets up
to get you a cigarette,
and I hear your indrawn breath
as you watch,
drawing your knees up
and touching yourself,
because you know
he will turn and smile,
reflecting the complications
of you,
in his eyes,
shining in yours,
as you search each other's souls
again.
If then
in the grey dawn
you are satisfied
what matter colors
in the dim light,
or promises made for tomorrow
or regrets from yesterday?
It is that soft smile
that fills the room,
and makes you stretch
like a cat,
unwinding.
One summer
was complicated
but not unpleasant,
as he crawls in beside you
pretending he's chilled.
Author notes
Written August 25th, 2003
In a list
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Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Who was she...
I was thinking about this poem today.
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i think it was the always
one summer
was complicated
but not unpleasant
that always struck me as so good.
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good
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Very beautiful..sensual piece of poetry !
thank you for sharing..
Peace
~M~
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Beautiful. It's all so true when you're with your lover. I especially like the third stanza. Very nice. Thankyou for entering and good luck.
Sara -
Beautiful write. Thanks for sharing and good luck.
Emerald Fire -
This is not lovely or relaxing. Is it? I'm such a girl.
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A lovely relaxing type of poem to me anyway and written so well,absolutely flawless my friend and good luck to you in the contest.Kenny
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This is very good! I like this one a whole lot!
This is very different then what I've been reading lately. I really like those kinds of pieces that kind of unfold themselves gently in a story like fashion. Where you're not worrying about meter or rhyme or any of that, just the display of connected thoughts and emotions through action or imagery. It's really one of my favorite kinds of pieces to read. And I like how you show that complicated natures aren't all bad, but have the quirks of endearment much the same as any other. That's really clever and well stated. So I'll say that you did a good job in expressing yourself here. And thanks for featuring this so that we all had a chance to share your words and feelings with you.
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This has everything, sensuality, a wealth of images, wordplay, very nicely done.
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Beautiful write!!!!!
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This was a lovely poem. So cute!!! New love is so romantic! Well done!!!
Katie
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nice keep doing well
love the papa -
Good Poem.Sensual and mysterious all at the same time. You you obviously thought this one out to give it power and serenity at the same time. I thought it read very well and leaves a message with something to think about. Keep on writing!
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I like this very much. It says enough to put you there but not enough to ruin the poem. Your word choices and the way you laid them out make a great work.
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promises made for tomorrow
or regrets from yesterday...
To me, this was a very powerful line...it means alot and I love how it is written...
Overall this poem is beautiful...it is sensual with a sexy feel of getting that cigarette after the touching...hehe...fabulous! miranda -
wonderful
aww this poem is really cute and just beautiful! Amazing job -
wow...nice poem..different i must say... especially this bit
He gets up
to get you a cigarette,
and I hear your indrawn breath
as you watch,
drawing your knees up
and touching yourself,
because you know
he will turn and smile,
reflecting the complications
of you,
in his eyes,
shining in yours,
as you search each other's souls
again.
you won me over with that stanza!! keep it up!! -
great job
If then
in the grey dawn
you are satisfied
i almost think this would sound better if you switched in the grey dawn and you are satisfied... if not it sorta sounds like an appositive or something. i'm not really sure how to fix it, but that part bothers me a little.
overall a great poem though, i LOVED the ending. definately keep it up, i look forward to reading more of your work. -
delightful
mmm mmm mmm, so delicate are the emotions wrapped up in the simply beautifull written poem. i especially love:
He gets up
to get you a cigarette,
and I hear your indrawn breath
as you watch,
drawing your knees up
and touching yourself,
because you know
he will turn and smile,
reflecting the complications
of you,
in his eyes,
shining in yours,
as you search each other's souls
again.
i just dont know what i could say about this that would let you know how much i enjoyed reading this, but i loved it. t/y for writing and posting this poem hun. ~Julzzz~ -
Sensual - yup, descriptive - yup, just wanted to yup you once or twice, see how it feels.
No colors in dim light and cat streching. Long line of a womens back in shadows. Pretty. -
Oh I like this one, tender and sensual, but emotional - this one has more meaning to it, a chance for something more, a promise of pleasures all night long, sends tingles to the toes, my dear Lute, early mornings always were special to me. Mmm
~ becky
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"He gets up
to get you a cigarette,
and I hear your indrawn breath
as you watch,
drawing your knees up
and touching yourself,
because you know
he will turn and smile,
reflecting the complications
of you," This is really beautiful. It kind of has a hey jude feel to it. I love the description that goes on here. Im not sure why but reading this poem had me feel better today. I guess Im been stressed out and reading this poem makes you look at yourself in a new light, thinking maybe there is more underneath the other layers of craziness in my life. Maybe i am not appreciating what is really going on! Thank you for writing this.~Daina
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This struck a very personal chord with me that I am not inclined to share for all to read, but let me just say that I can only hope your feelings behind this piece are similar to the feelings I had reading it. Very smoothly written with touches of tenderness throughout. Thank you.
Kristine -
"He gets up
to get you a cigarette" Only Sir Love would know the intricacy involved and the implications...
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Solitude, in some cases, is not just one being alone, but, at times it can be two, in the entwined comfort of each other. And in that thought and image, the solitude is still solitude but it holds hope and endearment.
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beauty
Absolutley love this piece, such feline persona and oh that love!
Keep Feelin' Fascination,
~Tiffany~
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wonderful
This has such tenderness to it....... a lovely write indeed....and almost as soft as your purple flowers......
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