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Overstuffed

I have not eaten
in ten days

still overstuffed with
faded dreams
and misdirected hope

I trace my fingers
against a pillow
that never had your name
only the silhouette of your embrace

There is a knock outside
I know it isn't you
(it's far too kind and gentle)

probably the preachers
to save my soul

I'll have to remember to tell them
I no longer have one.

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Dean
    July 17, 2007

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    Ooo! How cohesive, how well put together, each stanza was a plot, that wrapped up into one tongue and cheek epic. Good job!


  • Uniquely-Scarred gold member
    July 17, 2007
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    well done with this like it


  • Blkwidow77 silver member
    July 14, 2007

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    You know what caught my attention on this poem? The stanza about hearing a knock on the door and knowing that it wasn't him.

    I stopped for awhile after I read that and it made me reflect. I thought of all the times my cell phone would ring and I would think of what day it is, what time it is and what's the likely hood that it would be him calling on my phone...

    Really hits a nail on the head, of what it's like to be without someone and suffering. Because every time there's a knock on the door or phone message or something, I think we all stop to hold our breathe and wonder if it is them.

    That was very human, that stanza. Really lovely, actually.


  • Peteskid gold member
    July 13, 2007

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    I have to admit to a chuckle at the preacher at the door, such is the depth of feeling, love and loss of it; this is very well done, a wonderful style here expressive...PK


  • tara wilson gold member
    July 13, 2007

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    LOL...I get it now I think you did a wonderful job at expressing yourself here, it just takes me a while to interpret poetry...lol.

  • April Renee
    July 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i get this. more than even i know probably..denial is in fact de nile. sometimes its too far to reach...nice job with writing this. enjoyed the read. good luck in the contest.

    blu


    • BlackWidow43 silver member
      July 12, 2007

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      originally the "preacher" part said "jehova's witness" cuz they in fact were at the door as i typed this. but then i thought someone might take offense, and used "preachers"

      which u do u think sounds better?

      or should i just eliminate the last two lines completely? what is your opinion?

      • April Renee
        July 13, 2007

        Edit | Reply
        haha...we had the very same convo in class yesterday..ironically enough - pathology class. ha. either or...its all gravy.

        blu

  • tomisb
    July 12, 2007

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    You are exsquisite my cute litte bunny. You can make the anguish of your soul burn through the concrete walls so many have wrapped around theirs.

    You know I would love to see you try to learn, and it would take learning, to be so powerful in expressing what you want and have that is vibrant and good in your own life. Love, Tom B.


    • BlackWidow43 silver member
      July 12, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      i dont do well with expressing what i want.



      maybe because i always want the impossible.

      i tried to write something vibrant and good the other day... it was crappy. i guess i'll stick to anguish? lol

  • tara wilson gold member
    July 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love this...a door without his/her knock...such an emptiness there...I've totally felt before...as well as the not being able to eat...
    "I trace my fingers
    against a pillow
    that never had your name
    only the silhouette of your embrace"
    I love that to Thank you for this entry

1 - 11 of 11