I Do

do you ever get up in the morning and
everything in your head’s just too loud
indistinguishable sounds, voices, images
all leave you unsure of who you are or
where you actually happen to be?
unrecognizable all that surrounds you
you hope the Mothership’s number
will soon come back to mind so you
can plan an effective escape… ?

do you ever go outside and the décor
suddenly transforms into a bright blur,
and the only clarity your eyes provide you
is the illusion that 2 people are in fact 1 000?
swarming, overcrowding those bodies are...
strangers' faces mutate and change wildly,
their malicious eyes staring through you,
the ambiance only feels like they're plotting
to torture and destroy you?
you sense terribly their bodies’ warmth getting closer –
your skin goes wishing it could crawl away,
your blood goes in overdrive making your ears buzz,
and you seek desperately that rush of cold air in your lungs?
do you ever lose the capacity to feel you are a living being
to then realize the ground below you slipped away sneakily?
your legs then remind you of gravity’s existence,
while a growing scorching heat feels ready to combust you whole,
making your body understand that soon it’ll need to flee to safety?

do you ever see a wooden door to be a frightening thing and
whenever you place your gaze or thoughts in its direction,
your eyes ruin the dryness of your shirt every time?
although immobilized, you summon the strength to go through anyway
out in the open air and light where everything is so vast,
only to be seized by the arms of terror pushing and shoving?
when outside in hell, you try to suppress the crushing weight
while you hurriedly walk to your car’s confines
and hope you won't crack down on the way...
you believe the box on wheels with its locked doors
will keep your irrationality from reaching you anymore,
but even when you get there, everything isn’t right still,
you're just as much choked and you just want to be home?

do you ever feel this way even with the closest people to you,
and you try to tell but the words get stuck in your throat?
fully aware their puzzlement and frustrations grow for you,
you are silenced by your mind just the same and you push
them away from your life when in reality all you ever want
is for them to be there...?