Losing My Religion

its hard to sit straight
while memories burst out my mind
this is the last thing to write
when time is laid to rest

a not so hot weather we were having
sweat slowly going down our faces
i sat in a corner, drank some water
felt like vomiting, but i just couldn't

took the rest of the tobacco i had
from the last tip of old cigarettes
i smoked it and sat down
no tears going down her cheeks

she was quiet, sitting in the dark

i wouldn't let her stand up
she babbled something i couldn't understand
she had bitten her tongue once, i might have been harsh

the smoke i formed with my last breathes
was like a fog taking me away from him

whoever that was up there, i don't know
i blew air in the middle, opened a path

turned on the radio

tuned up some classical

she smiled and looked up at me

or at least i think she did

i smoked until my lungs felt hot

but i opened a new pack of cigarettes
her eyes were clear

she didn't even blink no more

wind didn't blow inside this small dungeon
under the surface we were hiding
from the evil up there

in the perishing world

i took the rags off her mouth once

but she didn't shout, she was quiet

was it the drugs? or was she just pleased?

all she did is ask me why

i told her the truth

she was too beautiful like for dying up there

like a porcelain doll over bursting fire

i was the fireman, keeping her alive

today i thought of letting her go

but i didn't, i just untied her

let her talk, i ordered myself

i took my hardened hands off her halo 

her mouth was full of lies

that hurt my tender skin

like if i were a baby she poisoned me

with words of comfort and hope

slowly i began tor realize of my mistake

i wasn't on control anymore

she was like a commander in war

screaming out fake orders

but somehow i heard her

felt in peace with her words

i embraced her theory of it all

but i fell, deep inside the pit

her hands were like daggers

and her embraces, lithium

pain diluted in tender kisses

my spirit was caged in her caring

the nails of my soul were cut to the bone

scratched my guts, looking for a way out

i was a puppet, sodomized by the puppeteer

mentally whipped by the dark nymph

i soon got to realize

what i had became

hair was falling down to my feet

my stomach was getting fat

her eyes didn't stay clear as water

they started to shine like a mirror

she exchanged Ecstasy for my life

and i agreed, chained to my back 

should i even even cared for once?

i don't know, and i never will

all i can do now is look down

down to her lies cascading

she wouldn't let me tie her anymore

not even tell her how pretty she looked

but she knew i wouldn't let her go up

to the surface that was forbidden for so long

my lungs were filled with petrol slowly

drowning in my own moments of peace

my eden was getting filled with black oil

i wasn't going to last long with her anymore 

what if i let her go up? i once to myself asked

what if i was being too dramatic, what if?

i was tied to her with a filthy bond of leather

i had to let her go away from me, to rid the disease

and here i am, having small sweet lapses of time

just to stay awake, to think about anything else

not to fall into the nightmares of her freedom

i told her to go up, to leave me alone here

she laughed at me, pat my bold head

i stood up, i was about to go out

but suddenly she held my arm

looked at me, deep into my eyes

now I'm tied down to the ground

she wont feed me, wont talk to me

she smokes my cigarettes now

while i choke in the black oil inside me