My Floor

Here I am sitting in my room thinking of you once again
Thoughts of you make me smile
I close my eyes and memories flood my mind
I find a smile creeping onto my face
As I start to laugh out loud
Tear form on the ends of my eyelids
I feel the drops slowly falling on the ground
I try to picture all the good times to maybe stop the tears
But as I do this I cry harder
I fall in the grasp of sadness
I fall into the hand of hate
I am slipping onto the hard dark floor
Holding my head wanting the memories to fade
Wanting it all to just disappear  so that maybe I can find peace
So maybe I can go on living without the thoughts of you
Without the thoughts of us
Laying on the floor as a drug addict coming off the high
Trying to find a new high a new way to make the pain disappear
‘Why can’t I quit you?’ I yell
I lay on my floor lost into the world that I never wanted to visit again
I soon find you standing in front of me as you slowly reach down to touch me
You  ran your hand down my fragile body 
I feel the breeze of the wet damp air on my body making me shiver
Along with the touch of your cool hands
You move to the floor and sit next to me
You start to ran your hands though my hair
Inching  your way down to lay next to me I push you away
But you don’t stop you know that I want you next to me
You know that I want you to hold me closely to your warm body
You try once more and I just lay there hopelessly
I feel your mouth against my ear as you whisper, ’Everything will be okay’
You just lay there and hold me as I lay there lifeless
Whispering  things of the past once again the tears form
And fall but this time they fall on you heart having no effect
You gently take my hand to reinsure me that I am okay
You say in a very low voice, ’I could stay like this forever’
I fall apart with these words I whisper in a very faint voice, ’ you liar’
I know better you left me long ago you stopped caring you gave up
I just lay there wanting to end it all wanting to fade away
I try so hard to regain my strength to pull myself away
To find someway to where I can stand and walk away from you
To walk away from the hold that you have on me
To walk away  from all the power that holds me to you
To walk away from the heart that I love so dearly
To break you the way that you broke me
To show you the pain that I hold inside
To hurt you so bad that you  slowly start to die on the inside as I am
But I can’t move I am stuck in your touch
I am lost in your gaze
We just lay there losing ourselves in one another’s  eyes
The way that we once did laying  in your bed for hours just looking at one another
You tell me, ‘That you know how I feel that you understand the pain in my life’
But you have no clue of the pain that I carry you  have not a *bunny* idea
I lay there thinking how you have no idea how many times I see you laying next to her
Holding her as you once did me
How she is the face that you  lay your head down to every night
And she is the first smile you see in the morning
I think about how that should be me
I should be the one you see in the morning
But I know that I am not the one
Laying on my floor I finally fade
I finally slip out of my dream
I finally let go
The truth is that I am in love with the past
I am in love with the one person that will have my heart forever
I am in love with a man that cannot be touched
I lay here in a daze of you
your face and your touch still lingers in the room
I can still smell you on my sheets
I can still taste you on my lips
I can still feel you holding me so tight fearing if you let go
you would lose me forever
I can still feel you inside of me
I can still feel you next to me
I can still feel your lips against my ear
For this room has a lot of meaning to it, it has lot of feelings in it
This room is the room where we first meet where we first feel in love
This room is where I want to stay for it is the only time that I am happy 
It is the only time that I can see you it is the only time that I can hold you
So I will lay on my floor forever as long as it keep me close to you
I will lay on my floor till my heart is completely ripped from me
I will lay here waiting for you to come back to me
My floor is the place where it all happened I lost myself to you
I will lay here in a daze lifelessly so that you will not fade
So that I can have you forever