Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Motionless.



She's dangling between the lines of awake and alive.
Fallen from a different cloud, unlike the other angels,  she crawled into a hibernation state only she could wake from:

When she was ready.

There she grew, her skin turned a different shade of blue and she was colder than ever.
[This is what you've done with your lies and stories that pulled her like a current, you drowned her faith in you and it's lying motionless at the bottom of the ocean and noone will ever be able to retrieve it]





Author notes

New, my dirty pretty phase is gone, and has developed into Prose poetry [=
x

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • thelovesongwriter
    July 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow, i'm starting to like prose poetry now too, & this one certainly cut it! i loved it. loved it. great write & best of luck

    thanks for entering!
    -lovesong


  • Congruence
    July 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the first line - awake and alive - didn't really sit with me - abstract is fine - I just couldn't figure quite what it meant or could mean.

    Rest read well though, liked the last section especially.


  • Atrophya
    July 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow, babe, i can relate to this to the utmost, i sort of feel this way now... I love it baby, you're brilliant. My crimson butterfly... =]


  • Exodus gold member
    July 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    =] I still love it.
    And I still love yewwwww ^_^


  • They Say Shannon
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "When she was ready.

    There she grew, her skin turned a different shade of blue and she was colder than ever.
    [This is what you've done with your lies and stories that pulled her like a current, you drowned her faith in you and it's lying motionless at the bottom of the ocean and noone will ever be able to retrieve it]"

    Ooh, beautiful!
    The only thing I think could be changed is the word 'grew' because you talk about her hibernating and growing just doesn't seem right for when you're hibernating I guess...? Haha, I'm sorry.
    I overthink things.

    But anyways,
    This is great! Wonderful job! <3


  • Exodus gold member
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    WEEEE Three little arrested men for you
    I love this honey, I'm really glad you tried your hand at it because it's splendid!
    ♥♥♥ She's dangling between the lines of awake and alive. ♥♥♥


  • bird-mad girl
    July 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I think this is one of the best pieces I've read from you! you're very good at prose, I most deffff think you should continue to explore this writing style.

    This was beautiful and very sad. Even the background captures the color of the emotions in this piece!

    lots of love babygrrl
    <33333


  • Kati Kat
    July 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i love this...its so beautiful...

1 - 10 of 10