Blue gel …hand, white foam …face;
With this stuff no ingrown whiskers.
Can’s getting light.
Note to self, ‘put on fridge list’.
“Nevea for Men” in the blue can, red badging,
Improved Formula.
Part of the skin essentials shaving gel.
For normal to dry skin, protects
Against dryness, with skin guard technology.
Do the math Candor,
Less than a month after graduation,
Bobby drove to the park where we all hung out.
Took a pistol, in his car, splattered himself.
He was quiet, had this strange quirky smile.
Blonde hair, that smile, one of my favorites,
Farmer’s boy, just another guy I never really knew.
While still in youthful manhood,
Someone told me Bren shot himself.
Why? His family was well off.
So he failed a drug test for the utility company
That he worked for?
Parents, both psychologists!
Mmmm, this is good,
Not that bubblegum taste the kids like.
“Crest Whitening Expression,
Cinnamon Rush”, fluoride anti-cavity.
Whitens teeth, plus cinnamon flavor.
Brush, brush, brush while the gel
Softens all those many decades of whiskers.
JR, that’s the strangest?
Cuddled in the Chevy,
Like there’s no tomorrow;
So young, frisky, so in love.
He was probably going to be Fire Chief
For many small town years to come.
At home after a school event where all
The kids had climbed on fire trucks,
In his garage, right in front of his little man
He shot himself in the chest.
I don’t get shooting yourself in the chest,
Or doing it in front of your kid?
Ahhh, Camay in the pink bar.
After shaving, …scents just right, so good.
It’s not feminine at all for me.
It’s just that either in the shower or
Washing off after shaving I
Feel really clean with that smell.
Surely women at work don’t
Think I use girly soap?
Man, what happened to Carla and Lisa?
Both beautiful, anyone would have wanted them.
Drank themselves to death.
No,no, no! Don’t go there,
This is no Thelma and Louise,
Diving over the Grand Canyon.
This is stalled suicide
In a claustrophobic traffic jam.
Doesn’t count.
Jack, one of those guys I wanted to be.
In high school when we had to do acting,
Decided to improvise the whole thing.
Hmmm, and for an important grade.
He and I pulled it off to perfection.
Wow, we were good that day!
Too many DUI’s, too much turmoil,
Walked into a room, smiled at
His girlfriend and said, “How ‘bout this, baby?”
The last act…, brought down the curtain.
There’s no lotion on this sink!
Only this brown stuff, “Ocean Potion”,
Ever Glow Daily Moisturizer with Gentle
Skin Darkener.
That’s just great.
Oh well, I’ll maintain my summer colors.
Mark was on my porch holding this cat;
He was one of those black haired baby faced,
Dark skinned gods with a winning smile.
My sister had baby sat him and his sisters
When we were all just little kids.
A few days later after being on my porch
He hangs himself.
Just a few houses down from me.
What was that guy’s last name…?
A lawyer here in town…?
Anyway, his son had written some bad checks.
Son turned right around and did it again.
Dad found him in the bathtub, …slit wrists.
This was just three houses down from Mark
And not two blocks from me.
“Sure”, original solid, in the fresh scent
Sniff, sniff, sniff.
That’s the smell of retail sales.
Am I getting those crows feet around my eyes
That I always noticed on my aging father?
Somehow my stomach is beginning to protrude
Over my slacks, more set-ups needed.
I’d like to at least try some hair restoration,
Even some “Just for Men” for gray sides.
My boss had those enamel teeth caps,
They look really good, …very expensive.
John, now there’s a story,
Waiting for a movie.
He did some work for me.
A really nice kid.
Hanging your unhappy self in the barn
With your landlord’s lead rope
Just to make a point is classic.
Having the landlord’s daughter find
The bloated body days later,
In the horse barn,
Chilling!
Scott, I just don’t get at all,
Great singer and great actor.
Funerals for suicides are weird.
The person performing the services
Are either lost for words altogether,
Or they use the time to tell the Gospel
In it’s most simple and complete form.
People leave saying, “How could that preacher
Use a time like this to solicit faith,”
Or people leave having listened to the preacher,
Never to be the same...
Knock, knock, knock!!!
“Hey! Are you about done in there Mr. Conceited?”
All products used getting ready for this work day
are copyrighted and patented.
Letters to Friends
Robin Candor 2007
Author notes
A contest entry
- Anything as long as it is good by Swan song.
750 points, ended July 14, 2007, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Wow Robin! This write gives me a very vivid picture in my mind of a man doing a normal routine to ready for his day. But in the mix he is also deep in thought at the same time. I love how you go back and forth in this piece. It is so refreshing to read something so real and human. How many of us can relate to thoughts streaming through our heads at the most mundane times. We are complicated and unique beings. I am glad I ran across this one. I feel I know you even better because I know what kind of bath products you use now.
Blessings, Patty
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You've been posting some wierd things in the last month or so. This is the first thing that seemed to run closest to the lines of poetry. So yeah, I'll say something here.
The title isn't terrible but I think it could use a verb of some sort to complete it. After all, despite the impression of the piece, you weren't really using all this space to advertise? Curious. Yes, curious.
Well, it has a potential in it and what it could become. But it is very very heavy with words and images that aren't doing anything for you. For example:
~~Blue gel …hand, white foam …face;
With this stuff no ingrown whiskers.
Can’s getting light.
Note to self, ‘put on fridge list’.
“Nevea for Men” in the blue can, red badging,
Improved Formula.
Part of the skin essentials shaving gel.
For normal to dry skin, protects
Against dryness, with skin guard technology.~~
Could be pared down to it's base, as:
~~Blue gel
Not to self, 'put on fridge list'
The red badging, improved formula
and no ingrown whiskers,
the skin essentials of shaving gel~~
Or something to that effect.
I do have to ask though, why bring up your habits at all here? Your focus seems to be on the curiousities of people's actions. So in what way, do you feel that your grooming habits demands such a forefront of attention? If anything, it seems distracting to me.
Also, if you really wish to convey the tragedy of such choices, you probably should consider paring down to one or two incidents and really let the imagery shine though on detail.
As it is, this piece was over bearing and with the way you flipped prespectives over and over, I was having a lot of trouble keeping up.
Foods for thought.
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I'm sorry that I didn't get your New Year's Eve piece at its core. Please forgive me. I hope its ok to like it even if it struck me differently than you intended. You stated that I had been writing some 'weird' stuff lately. To clarify I want you to know that my hard drive was corrupted and I thought I was going to lose everything I had saved on Word. I thought if I posted the pieces they would be somewhere I could recover them. I realize they are more stories than poetry. However, they have brought many emotions to my fellow employees and are circulating quite nicely, especially 'Rapid City '72'. This has become a must read among the women I work with and all their friends and family. I was not aware it would affect so many people. Regarding 'Modern Products', I appreciate your input and even agree with it. The piece is heavy and almost burdened down with the shift back and forth. The problem is that every person mentioned is a real human being I grew up with in this small town. I 'can't' shorten the piece. My boss asked me if I thought his son could be suicidal one day and I found myself reflecting on that in front of the mirror the following day trying to compare him to those I knew who had. Suddenly I realized how I was flipping back and forth between suicides and getting ready for work. When my wife knocked calling me conceited, well..., I had to write this down. Your suggestions are excellent, but I cannnot in their honor, leave any of them out. They are real people, not a poem. RC
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like a commercial slap in the face
This is soo the kind of thing I love to read these days-stuff of real life. The ritual morning interspersed with thoughts of what was and through it all, the gradual acceptance of the passing years and the remembrance of things long lost. I have been away a long time, my friend, but I return to see you still turning out the stuff of words that makes me ponder this life I live.
-Emma
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I don't know what words I can use to express my thoughts on this. I'll start with absolutely brilliant, captivating, original, and genius. I just get this, or what it means to me, so easily and it's so much deeper than what it seems. Also in it's simplest form just deeply entertaining. Awesome write!
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I have to say I was confused as to the point of it until I read it again. Of course I understand it now. It's simple. Our mind wanders as we prepare for the day or ready for bed. Or sit staring off into space. Sometimes even while we talk to people. I love the length of it actually. It truly represents the long thought process. I wonder how many words we all think each day in our heads. Countless jibberish can become one's most prize winning poems!
I think my favorite part was that of using "girly" smelling products. We notice, but we think it's cute. Or at least I NOTICE those things when Jake does it
The best idea in this is that each of these people are so different--personality, life, circumstance...--but they are all entwined in the same web in the end, and that's death. Awesome job here. I like the background too! Nice job... loved it.
--your favorite niece
sorry it took so long.
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The wandering mind usually wanders with a purpose. I like how you use the time in front of the mirror to do your own reflecting...an interesting concept. The ending alludes to someone else not understanding that you were reflecting on lost friends/acquaintances and the state of society, rather than being conceited in front of a mirror. That line does ground the piece nicely, bringing the reader back to the realization that life goes on. Suicide is such a horrible thing. Depression is so misunderstood and ignored by the medical professions and the population in general. The fact that you are thinking these thoughts while doing things all of us do daily, makes the piece all that more real....something we can all relate to. An excellent write. I hope most of this is poetic license and not about actual people in your life, however, I think once we've reached a certain age, most of us have been touched by someone's suicide. Well done.
Rory
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wow..an interesting peek into the minds of men who are busy with the task of preparing ones self for a long day..for work?.or for a funeral? Im not sure which of these apply...I keep reading it trying to figure it out..but the last line throws me off..I know that things tend to enter our minds subconsciously as we tend to daily tasks and often spiral in there paths..something here I cant place my finger on..
humm..perhaps more thought..(smiles) on my part of course..lol
An excellent write..very thought provoking..and a bit of laughter at the sight of you in the mirror playing with your soap...and no women in your office do not think you use girly soaps..just that you smell great!!
Peace..
~A~
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