There are paper walls that gather
sorrow,
dripping from forgotten people,
diluting daylight to ashen grey.
Leeched hardship stories carved
in to every out-stretched hand,
life-lines that hang from a beggars hope.
Drenching colour clings desperately
to lime encrusted wall,
gaudy words
proclaiming heaven,
for just a while
and in a corner of maybes,
release beckons from a foil bed.
Decaying smile greets a fresh bottle
like a lover never had,
And in cigarette spirals
dreams live and die with each breath.
Old beams create old sounds,
harbinger to death,
wheezing from the weight
of expectation laid upon it;
Despair
is far stronger than flesh and bone.
In a list
A contest entry
- A Darker Poetry Contest by -BlackKnight-.
650 points, ended July 15, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkwrite Challenge ~Round 1~ by Ktulu Blackwolfe.
425 points, ended January 27, 2008, 20 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn that silver into gold pt 5 by whispernthedark.
300 points, ended March 6, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This is wonderful, so dark and pure. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO!
I love your first stanza's just wonderful imagery to
enjoy! Can't wait to read more....oh my! you really
captured the words and turned them into metaphors!
That was an excellent dark write to enjoy!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )) you captured despair well!
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Wow great dark piece, very well penned. Good luck
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Awesome...I love this one. This is hauntingly dark. Well done with tis and good luck to you.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
–for just a while-
take out the dashes. Instead of using dashes, bring it down a line giving its own line-- it seems as if you are intending to emphasize it.. I think giving its own line is the way to go.
Put a semi colon after 'it'
And capitalize the d in despair.
Otherwise this was brilliant, one of your best ones that I've read out of the society bunch.
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Ahhh, and I was afraid I wouldn't find another good poem in this contest. Prior to this, I'd only found one other good poem and had to boot out a couple entries.
This was fun to read. Fun in a gloomy way, if that makes any sense. It just worked.
"Decaying smile greats a fresh bottle" -- I believe you meant to say "greet"? -
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Whoops, your right I did mean greets, I hate it when I miss these little spelling mistakes.
Thank you for the silver.
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this was very surreal and yet so true to heart...it really struck a chord with me...good penning here...peace and harmony...desi
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This was captivating. It held my attention from the beginning and never let go until the end. A deep expression of the feeling of abandonment and loneliness.
Thank you for sharing such beauty.
Soulful Woman
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-nods, smiling- i see the truthfulness of it. Sometimes the pressures of life can feel like more weight than we can carry. More weight than ever we have carried. It is a great deal to do, and seldomy is it done. Good work.
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i got easily lost in this poem maybe it's just me, I think it could use a form, or just better structure at separations, I'm not sure really my suggestion is to ask the AP *bunny* Amera.
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wow
Every once in a while you just happen to stumble across Excellence..This happens to be a once in a while moment for me...I really love the flow of this piece its simply excellent your imagery is outstanding...Im adding this to my list of faves..
thank you so much for sharing...
Excellent work..Best wishes with this entry..however I doubt you will need it....:)
Peace
~A~
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Very excellant poem, I liked it so much. Good luck in the contest.
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Oops, forgot these...
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Wonderful poem about abandonment - the darker side indeed - liked the flow and the images one sees when reading these lines. Wonderful words you have chosen here.
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omg Bro this is awesome...
The lines:
"Decaying smile greats a fresh bottle
like a lover never had,
And in cigarette spirals
dreams live and die with each breath."
Those really pulled me in and I could just read you forever....
I am in the mood for this today...
Another brilliant creation.....
Lynda
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