Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

the room

that tight canvas jacket,
they took it off… thank god!

looking over my shoulder…
          whoosh….
door slammed with a muffled sound

the walls; the walls are padded!
near the ceiling there’s a small window
a friendly beam of light bridges to the floor
if I reach, I can touch it

the light fades… dismal, grey

      sleep… sleep…

“mom? mom? mom? mom? mommy??”

my eyes open…
     smile
my friendly light beam


silence, lonely...
tic, tic, tic, tic, tic, tic…
the light fades… dismal, grey

      sleep… sleep…

“I am deep within you and coming closer”
“nowhere to run”
“closer, closer, closer, closer, closer”

      my eyes jump open!

my friendly beam of light bridges to the floor
      ninety two scratches on the wall

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 23 of 23

  • sailor ptolema
    June 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    bravo!!!!!!!!

    wow!
    this is AMAZING! in the true webster dictionary definition!
    splendid form!
    love it!


  • Laura
    August 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is brilliant the imagery is fantastic and wow you certainly took me to another world with this little masterpiece xxx love it xxx


  • soulfultia gold member
    July 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! How the heck have I missed your work?? I've seen you on a thousands of poems I commented on, I have no idea why I have not read more of your work I can fix that ~Tia


  • Never Fall in Love
    July 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I really really LOVE writing about enclosures.
    You doing it too has increased my liking on it.
    It's also a quite a wonder why I even liked it despite it being free verse. But I guess I have to raise my expectations on free verse when I see that it's coming from you. After all, you're simply the best!

    This is great, sis. All the best in the contest. Though, I'll have to say that 'luck' is the last thing you'll need...

    Love ya ♥
    NeveR


    • Amera gold member
      July 12, 2007

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks Sis, I thought you'd like the volume change with font size.


      Love,
      Amera ♥

      • Never Fall in Love
        July 12, 2007

        Edit | Reply
        I did like it It created quite an effect and is probably one of the things that make this poem stand out so much. Volume change, font color-to show and make the reader feel the panic going through the person. It's even more better reading it the second time!

        Sis, my tone of voice should never determine your writes. I'm quite tired (same thing everyday it seems) But there's not gonna be even one thing that I don't like in your poems. If I ever find that one thing that I don't like, you'll know cuz I'll point it out.

        Love you ♥


  • Whoochi gold member
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Was so not expecting this from you...the form queen does free verse and does it dam good too...made me think this could be a good thriller movie...kinda gave me chills, like I was watching the whole dark scene play out...but I am one sick puppy because I like ti and I could realte to it...ohhh psstt those 92 scratches on the wall are from me trying to get to you...well done DOLLFACE! Always a Pleazure reading anything and ALL from you...Good luck!


  • StarEyes
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Where can I find that room? hehe, this is great my dear friend!! I love it!! Love the images of the sunbeam! Fantastic!! Best of luck in the contest!

    and much love

    Nyetta


  • Cant-touch-this
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    My O' My my little sister...you have out done yourself this time! Made me feel like I was in a padded room all by myself Powerful piece and thanks for sharing


    • Amera gold member
      July 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      R

      Thanks sis, I thought you might like this, it kind of gets close to your jub.

      Love,
      Amera ♥


  • HaleyMary
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Powerful write with great imagery. Made me think of being trapped in a nightmare. I like how you wrote the line of closer. It gave the poem a feeling of terror that can be felt in nightmares. Good luck in the contest.


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This reached inside and pulled a cry of deep pain shut up inside of ones on mind...You are truly amazing little one Great job! and thanks for sharing


    • Amera gold member
      July 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Tender Wolf

      Thank you my good friend. The contest was looking fir dark... I tried to paint dark.

      Love,
      Amera ♥


  • PerVirtuous
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful. Remarkable flow, use of color and font size, to make the feelings expressed in the words even more expressive. Incredibly dynamic. I love it and I love you, too.


  • Dalaney gold member
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    gulp...

    when you do something, Amera, you certainly do it well...
    This is creepy, which, I know it's supposed to be, and the free verse is extraordinary...sigh...this is why you are my Favorite, and why I love you.

    Lane


    • Amera gold member
      July 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Lane

      Thanks, comming from the queen of free verse, I am humbled. I love you too.


      Love,
      Amera ♥


  • Desire gold member
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Oy!!

    Holy Mother of Pearl Jam
    Powerful verse You have penned busy bee!
    Wow!
    What images come forth and I'm like
    Beautiful presentation!!
    Also intriguing story...me at the edge of my seat!
    Loved it! (Great color idea)
    Best wishes to You in the contest
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~

    • Amera gold member
      July 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Desire

      You comments always make me smile, they are as creative as your work. I don't tell you enough... I love them and I love you.

      Love,
      Amera ♥


  • blueyez
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is a wow! Inside of the mind of the lost this one is! I saw freeform and had to read more. You paint such a vivid picture of what the pt must be feeling and thinking. The beam of light and all the detail you used really brings it to life!
    Peace and Love


    • Amera gold member
      July 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Sara

      Thanky you... I know, I'm a bit derranged.


  • PoetsAngel
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    OMG! This is disturbing! Hun this actually made me feel unhinged,

    your words took me to a padded cell, and I could imagine the claustrophobic, desperate and lost reaction...WOW is all I have to say

     

     

     

    Cathy♥


    • Amera gold member
      July 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Cathy

      Thank you Cath and thanks for the bunnies.



      Love,
      Amera *hearts;

1 - 23 of 23