She came to me
on the dark canvas
Not of starry nights
as her lips taunt
An opened eye
stare of the blind
Restless rush pounds
on deaf ears
Musked scent rises
like pestled smoke
Under the abstract
I fall
into the blue
brushed with deaths
tremor of impact
Life
in a blank canvas
Author notes
A dream of falling and suddenly waking before impact. (body jerk included)
A contest entry
- REM cycling by grassisgreener.
600 points, ended August 21, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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okay, thanks for explaining and taking the time to consider my comments
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pestled smoke. I like that, under the abstract. the poem is very straightforward and simply worded, but not simple in its interpretation. brushed with deaths. this poem is itself a brush with something much greater, an almost encounter that has turned tragic. I'm not sure that I like the last two lines. I don't like the blank canvas metaphor unless you develop it with some kind of verb, instead of the "life/of." in any case, I will come back to this poem. feel free to edit and recall my attention!! thank you for entering
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I can feel it, smell it, touch it...thank you for bringing this beautiful piece into reality.
Stunning write.
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This has the slow lull of the moon shining through a woman, melding with her to encompass you. Just the way my head works
Wonderfully penned as always, just as soothing as a heart beat. Blessings, Gypsy
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