her song
of weeping moon, forlorn
--rests in starlit treetops
his serenade
by sunlight, yearning,
--blazes there to meet
but moon and sun shall never kiss
--for envy blusters treetops
Author notes
Prompt: The wind whispers our names
In a list
A contest entry
- Quickie, 20 minutes, 10 entries, 30 Words. Beat The Clock! by Cupcrazy.
450 points, ended July 10, 2007, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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beautifully penned, so much said in so few words. I struggle with short pieces like this, but you have mastered it with imagery, clarity and beauty. A very enjoyable read.
Rory
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yes
succinct, deep and well expressed, the eternal yearning of one for the other, never to meet
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wow!
this is really good. I love short poems that tell a story in as few words as possible, and you did a great job with this one. Great images, very well done.
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I can see why this got a gold! It is beyond all words! Just amazing!!!! This has a magical feel to it to me, especially, well the entire thing!
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you did a wonderful job with this. the description is beautiful, succinct, and effective, and evokes a mood perfectly "weeping moon, forlorn
--rests in starlit treetops"
"sulight, yearning
--blazes there to meet"
i too have found the contrast between moon and sun interesting and i enjoyed your fitting characterization. the last line is haunting and thought-provoking. amazing what you were able to do with so few words. i found this a very intriguing and nicely well-written piece.
"blazes there to meet" seemed incomplete to me, and "weeping moon, forlorn" seemed slightly repetitive, yet are gorgeous and manage to work okay anyway. anyway, nice job! -
Wow, this is really good! You definetly deserved the gold! So much is expressed through such a short poem. Would applaud but don't want to use points.
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Well written
I'm normally not a huge fan of short poems. Although this one is amazing, so few lines but such great detail. Keep up with your writing and i'll review more,
-A
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this was very good
i liked the words an the message
great work -
hm, its good
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Its good
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This indeed was worthy of that goldQuite a captivating piece you had penned here. Absolutely wonderful Keep them coming.
Tory -
My God! This is great! I can't put down words for this...this is just wonderful...
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Simply beautiful and haunting . . . a pleasure to read such softness and natural truth.
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This is beautiful - I'm amazed that you don't have many more comments and applauses. I love short poetry and I know how difficult it is to create such images and emotions in so few words. Stunning poem - loved this one.
~ Nicolette
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Absolutely Beautiful !!
I love to see your poetry,it is always a very special read for me. This is an amazing beautiful poem,written so beautifully that the images of the sun moon and trees can be 'seen' by the reader through your words. An excellent poem which I loved reading. Thankyou for sharing this with me. All best wishes Rose xx
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Congratulations! This is so beautifully penned. The metaphor is excellent and emotional content so strong. This imagery is vivid and diverse but fitted together so perfectly. Worthy of Gold!
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Oh wow no wonder this got the gold! It\'s an amazing write. The rhythm and flow of this is just perfect.
Congratulations on your well deser4ved gold
Gaylene
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Beautifully written, lovely phrasing and wonderfully imagery. Hugs, Bunny
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tick, tock, Bunny's watchin the clock
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Your Prompt is : The Wind Whispers Our Names"
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