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Brown & Out

Missing image

 

 

 

 

Your nervous twitch

got the better of you


 

Those snakes played with your ladder-legs

& ran with devil's dice

the game

the game was vicious

no rules

no Agenda for Change

the only change you wanted

was short-

confined inside

a pisspoor phone-box of Hell



& the dealer poached

his turf

pockets full of Brown

a roach of black, hangin'

from a curled mouth

& cheeks filled with rocks


Paper

Paper

scissors & stone

Stoned

ready

ready

to spit one out for you

 

 

fool's paradise

for  bellyful snakes

 

 

 


 

 

 


 

 

Author notes

another one from the detox ranch

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 27 of 27

  • Gratitude
    July 25, 2007

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    I like the contrast between ladders and snakes in the first line, especially as linked to your constant mention of games.


  • LuchiaNanami
    July 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I like this poem

    Though, it kind-of grossed me out a little. I'm sorry. Great poem anyways!!


  • buggles
    July 17, 2007
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    brilliant piece of poetry, i loved every stanza, thnx for the good read , Eddy


  • truembrace
    July 14, 2007

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    there is such writing that the talented can bring out of such real life circumstances. I believe sometimes such writing is necessary to bring into the life outside of such places - the reality within that many would like not to see otherwise (even though we might never really be able to define that amply ourselves).

    you capture chaos of mind vividly here Gill. To say the least, worthy of that gold...

    --- Kim...


  • Cat gold member
    July 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you know me..i suck when it comes to commenting on the stuff i really like.. i'm good at saying what it is i don't like.. but suck at this.. so here goes

    i like it a bunch

    m


  • sheltered
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent. Really rough around the edges in a good way. Made me want to roll up the few roaches that I have left. Thanks.


  • Mulefa
    July 11, 2007

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    Oh I fucking love it when certified mental health officers use the word "crackwhore". It's so gentle and understanding. And "those who are normal". Jesus. I'd have got such a slap if I used that sentence at Mencap.

    Normal. That made me feel sick.


    Anyway anyway
    I like your use of the snakes and ladders, it gives such a clear visual of the nature of drugs - I think because it's not wholly damning but wholly honest - it shows you can play for a while before you slip or you can slump down fast with no warning - or maybe you can get lucky and seem to keep going for a while. The phone box seems so claustraphobic. Fish bowl - everyone can stare and see in.

    There's something so muddy about using the expression "his turf" for the dealer, then the brown of the heroin "and the black roach - all dirty colours sludging together. It's so sad.

    I like this poem. You don't demonise anyone. You don't make any smug judgements. Very caring poem. It's sad and angry but it feels angry because it happens not angry at any individuals. I think some people write or talk about drugs and forget the people taking them are human.

    Fool's paradise. Okey dokey - here's wot dat other Nursey in Romeo and Juliet said about that then :

    "but first let me tell ye, if ye should lead her into
    a fool's paradise, as they say, it were a very gross
    kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman
    is young; and, therefore, if you should deal double
    with her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered
    to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing."

  • zara
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Book #1 will be these, the Detox Ranch.

    Book #2 will be Angelina in Manchester

    I will buy them both.

    Have you ever submitted?
    (I love how that sounds dirty.)

    Give it a whirl, I say, lady, give it a whirl.



    • NurseChilly gold member
      July 11, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I have ... but not in poetry things.. I had three poems published in the Big Issue, which is a homeless magazine and 2 in Turning Point's monthly magazine, which is the company I work for....

      CV is going to help me find some to send to Rattle as they are doing a nurse-led poetry feature in August...

      you could chat with her and help too if you like... cause I have no idea what or which to submit

      as for other submission..... well that would be tellin' now, wouldn't it

      • zara
        July 11, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        Yeah, I saw that call, and I'd been meaning to tell you. I'll check out your list and toss some ideas your way.

  • Francis Vincent
    July 10, 2007

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    very good

    not my usual read
    but
    very enticing,
    you want to read more,
    marvelous imagery,
    seems a very abstract view on life, problems, daily routines
    second read was even more revealong


  • Grunts Girl gold member
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I could title this Ode to the crackwhore on 79th street! You always amaze me with your ability to say something without actually saying it. There is such a game way about addiction... it seems like such a simple thing to win and yet when it really comes down to it.. it is the worst game of life there is... seems so child like in its alure and trips it takes you on and yet....
    adulteratedly sinnister (if that is a word LOL)
    loved it


    • NurseChilly gold member
      July 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      if it isn't a word.. it should be

      lololol

      and thanks girl... i know you've got experience on the other side of the fence, so to speak, doing the arresting of them... I just get to pick up the pieces...


      • Grunts Girl gold member
        July 10, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        now that i am a certified mental health officer... i have to reference all of them LOL.. wohhooo for me...
        yeah it is my word for the day.. I try to make up a new one every day or at least have my 'customers' come up with good ones for me to laugh about daily
        sad really because lately it is just a few days later and I am taking them to the health facility again...
        Many of the mentally ill are the biggest drug users that I come across and thus are not arrested - i take them to a receiving facility... sad they just get out after 72 hours without meds! (they get regulated in there... have no means to get the prescrip filled for skitzo and so they go take a hit of crack)
        however... those who are normal and on drugs, I gladly arrest lol...
        I dont know how you do it... going into those facilities friggin kill me.


  • Elfin
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is very dark, it reminds me of smoke free Britain and the terrors that must be haunting a lot of people, but I think it is deeper than just cigarettes and grabs the neck of strangling addictions. If I am wrong then I am sorry but these are the thoughts that your poem evokes from me. I have just noticed your author notes so maybe I am on the right path? Well done and good luck in the contest. Val


  • storiesuntold gold member
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A world within

    I cant imagine why anyone would want to feel with such an artificial high. Its filled with unknown creatures and visions only the devil himself would view. In finding yourself in this way you are totaly in reverse for when under the substance you dont see yourself dieing until its too late. A time when the monsters have worked their way inside the body instead of outside . YTou will find that to feed the monster your life is the only one on your mind . And if feath to others will get it for you then this road you will eventually take . Only to die young with skin and bones and sores all over your face . I know you just cant wait to join all your friends for you do everything together even die

    • NurseChilly gold member
      July 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      this isn't about me.....

      it's about the clients i work with


  • misselaineous
    July 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    from the pun in the title
    to the very last word


  • Mansoor
    July 10, 2007

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    Hillarious write! I like the spirit and the tempted words which felt great. Was this written in some angewr or something? lol the first few lines just made me ask that. The tricky flow sounds good here in this piece of work. GREAT JOB mman!! cheers


    • NurseChilly gold member
      July 10, 2007
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      you found this funny??? are you on crack??? or weed..

      shit ... you found it funny

      you must be bloody kidding me


  • cvillelisa
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply


    hey
    i have been meaning to send you this link:



    http://www.rattle.com/submissions.htm


    BECAUSE look at what they are looking for by August 1!!!



    Tributes

    Every issue of RATTLE gathers poems from a specific ethnic, vocational, or social group, comprising a special section of about 20 pages. We're currently seeking submissions from nurse poets for our Winter 2007 issue. We want poems written by nurses -- they don't have to be about nurses. If you're a nurse, submit 3-5 poems by August 1st, 2007. And as always, please spread the word.

    We're also seeking essays about the relationship between nursing and/or healthcare and poetry -- why are there so many nurse-poets? How does working in this career affect your writing? Does poetry affect how you do your job? If you can write an essay that encompasses both nurses and poetry, we're interested. Feel free to query first by email.




    do it!


    • NurseChilly gold member
      July 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      yes ma'am.... wanna help me pick a few out.. cause I'm crap at doing that kind of stuff...

      i eat my nails to the quick first...

      • cvillelisa
        July 10, 2007
        Edit | Reply


        i definitely will!!!

        cause you MUST submit.


        • NurseChilly gold member
          July 10, 2007
          Edit | Reply
          Okay... well i will need help, because i'm right in the middle of essays for my degree ... and if i don't get my finger out.. i wont be able to do my Masters next year..

          so i gotta get stuck into my thesis on young women's health care involved in substance misuse... ugghhhh...

          anyways...

          get on ... if you and some of the girls and guys can peruse some of my recent ones.. ... and shout out...

          I'll submit.. .... and I'll add a short essay on my work with the creative poet's group I do too


  • ca ne fait rien
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The game of snakes and ladders is a masterpiece isn't it but I guess nowhere does it apply as much as here in the world you deal with. Those games, like Grimms always had a sinister ring didn't they. Somedays everything seems sinister. Out there.
    Then again, it is the luck of the dice who tries- who dies; Crap- roll 'em roll'em win or lose.
    Another very loaded bag of symbolic metaphors here Gill.


    • NurseChilly gold member
      July 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      thank you Stefi... yes, they lock and load their detoxes, like the dicemen.. it often a pre-destined dice heavy load.. so sad at times

      thank you, my friend

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