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Proem

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hate this poem
its rhyme
its esoteric nature,
its machine like march
from exigency to exoneration,

 

allayed in spirit

my comforts arrayed

in easy reach

i unleash the beast

just to see it roll along,

 

hallow this

that which the wizard singes

with his staff

burnt flowers all along the path

the birds song,

 

and there you are, my companion

gazing into this poem

your eyes wide

at my innocence

after all this time,

the sun hot upon your back

 

your face red

at my indifference

 

to the chords one finds

drifting in the shadows

of the blackened flowers,

 

even as our poem ends sour

and without taste

another bile

to be coughed up in haste

 

vile. diseased.


 

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • Jaden silver member
    July 13, 2007

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    Hi. Didn't Ezra Pound have a poem using the word 'Proem'?

    I only have one book of his . . . I just can't remember.

    Good proem Lute.


  • Tercil gold member
    July 10, 2007

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    Very much bedazzled form to the exuent variety of leave alone poems that all but tangle to the mind, how simple a piece like this can preen emotion. It is very modest in format at the same time, making itself known as know worthy. Very good, I deeply enjoyed.


  • katscradle
    July 10, 2007

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    AWESOME

    LET ME GUESS A PROEM IS A POETIC PROSE HOW ORIGINAL THIS WAS VERY WELL WRITTEN THANK YOU FOR SHARING

  • unraveled
    July 10, 2007
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    my favorite stanza is the one beginning with "and there you are, my companion". i love some of the imagery you have used, such as the 'beast' and how you return to the burnt, black flowers. i am a little unsure why you have decided to end the poem so suddenly, it seems like you could add more.

  • Inner self
    July 10, 2007

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    Brilliant

    Realy good, not an obvious meaning but shows real talent, i like your use of clever vocab very much, give the poem an appearance of something just thrown together (lol is it) but the clever use of words really pull the poem together.

    As mulefa said, i'm not to sure about the title of the "proem" lol, but to m that does not matter so much. I liked the way how at the end you put "vile.diseased." But maybe you could have used a separate line for each of these.

    "Vile...

    Diseased..."

    Only a suggestion, i'm not sure i completely understand the meaning of this poem, but great work!

    Keep it up!


  • Mulefa
    July 10, 2007
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    Okey dokes it means briefybrief introduction, preamble prelude and dat, wotever, it still a yukky word just means I am thick and should go read my dictionary.

  • Mulefa
    July 10, 2007

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    I hope wot dat word "Proem" is a typo and not some smug amalgamation of prose and poem Lutey or I don't know - some slogan whats sposed to means pro poetry or whatever. God I hope it's a typo. If it not then maybe pretend wot it is anyway because it's like well annoying. "Proem" indeed. Proem sounds revolting. I have a proem growing on my foot I cannot come swimming or I'm afraid I cannot sleep with anyone for several weeks I have caught the ghastly proem and require treatment. Ergh proem. Whatever anyway it must be a typo because there's no way you'd name anything proem I bet. Funny how a tiny wee change to a word can make it gross.

    I like the wizard bit very. That is a lovely zapping surprise of the word singes. Very lovely. I want more about dat wizard.

    I love the plume from "hallow this" onwards. I don't like the first two stanzas, I don't know why really. What a pathetic thing to say - "I don't like the first two stanzas, I don't know why really." That's the most utterly pathetic fings wot I sed for ages I and I sez a LOT of paffetical fings. Oh dear Oh dear. Lucky dis not an essay or I'd get a red pen slap. Hmmm. I don't know. I just don't like them. They get in the way of the wizard and I don't like them. Not even that bad themselves but they muck up the lovely wizard. Hard to like things wot damage something you like or get in the way of it, even if alone they'd be okay.

    Horray for the use of the word vile it reminds me of the Worm lots, it is a wormy word. Vile vile vile. I miss him and his vilenesses.

    'Proem', An Anthology of Verse written by users of Prozac.


    "exigency to exoneration" - YEAH RIGHT. you're taking this piss.



  • cvillelisa
    July 10, 2007

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    Seems to me you are taking on your Reader here. Forcing them to partake in the awfulness of creating the poem. And not giving one iota about how they feel - embarrassed for feeling something the detached poet doesn't feel at all but must write. (Actually, Shakespeare comes to mind, wonder why ? It is said by at least one, there has been no writer since Mr. Gawdhisself that acted or wrote so removed of his own personal situations so well of such immensely personal situations). If that made any sense.

    When I first started reading you a million years ago, it was these types of poems that made me want to break through to the Poet Person Lute. It was.


    I love the imagery of the wizard and the staff burning things as the poem becomes

    maybe despite your flow issues and all you should continue.


  • Grunts Girl silver member
    July 10, 2007

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    it is one thing when someone is sooo pissed at you and you are so indifferent about the whole ordeal...
    reminds me of true drama queens...after a while its like wtf...
    oh there is taste here one of a licked frog
    enjoyed where this took me.


  • NurseChilly gold member
    July 10, 2007

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    i have to agree with Desi... this isn't sentimental nor is it silly... but it is what it is.. which is a damned good plume...

    the appropo of prosey poemy posey plumery...

    mr strangeshapedguitarman... you've done good


  • Desiree Darkk
    July 10, 2007

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    One thing I like about your proetry is your ability to spin a tale in a fresh way, making it unique. No cliche proetry here.

    Desiree


  • The Bear
    July 10, 2007

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    I don't know what Proem means- I tried to find out before when someone title their work with it, but I failed, so I don't know.
    Anyway, I hate it too. All of them, all the poems. They are cankers and yes the wizard must scorch the earth with his staff. Then out of the wasteland the eyes of the innocent see the ashes of the poem and the tears make it beautiful. yes. so you want to punch it in the mouth because it is all so cruel.

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