Walk over me like a forgotten
leaf on the ground.
Throw me away like yesterday.
Bury the love we shared.
Forget our memories.
Abandon me,
Bruise me,
Break me.
Take the blood from my veins
take the breath from my lungs
Throw me away like yesterday.
Place me high on the shelf,
Hide me in the shadows.
Throw me away like yesterday
Rip the heart from my chest
Hurt me,
Abuse me,
Turn your back on me.
Walk over my torn battered soul
Pretend I'm nothing,
pretend I don't exist.
Throw me away like yesterday
Shatter my dreams,
destroy my future,
fill me with doubt.
Lower my self esteem,
make me give it all away,
scream your hate for me
to the entire world.
Put my life in a downward spiral,
give me no hope that
it will ever get better.
Throw me away like yesterday.
Walk over me like a forgotten
leaf on the ground.
Place me high on the shelf,
Hide me in the shadows.
Bury our love deep inside
Try and forget what I meant to you
Give me away and
break me down.
Completely shatter my
already broken heart.
Throw me away like yesterday.
Do whatever you want to me.
Just promise me that you'll
never forget that I'll always
love you with all the little pieces
Place me high on the shelf,
Hide me in the shadows.
Throw me away like yesterday
A contest entry
- " PREWRITES ONLY" by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended June 7, 2008, 54 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Excellent
I already commented on this.
Thank you for the entry and good luck in the contest. -
Great
I loved this. It is a great poem, and very sad. I liked how you repeated some things, not everyone can pull that off, but you did.
"Take the blood from my veins
take the breath from my lungs" That sounded a little bit cliched but it still sounded good in the poem. I'm not sure if it would sound better if you left it in or took it out! Maybe you could try reading it with it in, and with it out, and see which way sounds better. In some of the poem, you need to correct the grammer or punctution, that will just make it look better. There was a lot of feeling in the poem, and I loved it. This was great. Keep Writing!
-Shadow -
omg...let me tell you...this got to me...i jus broke it off with my boy friend...and i have to tell you i cryed when i read this...idky but i did...this is a great piece of work...loved it...keep up the good work...
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Very heart-and-soul-felt...
and a bit painful to read... The title is perfect! Shattered love is so hard to define sometimes, but you've done it with expert ease... It's a shame the subject just lies there while apparently getting kicked in the face... Would like to see the ending read somewhat differently... All in all, an excellent piece!!!
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good poem, its really deep and i like it, good use of words and the line "throw me away like yesterday" is a great line, well thought of. i can really feel ur heartache, well worded i hope things improve for u. keep it up xx
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The repetitivness makes it sound like it could be a song, and I really like it.
Throw me away like yesterday
Is a really good line, bravo!
-
Take the blood from my veins
take the breath from my lungs
....
The least appealing part of this poem, at least to me. I'm a victim of it myself; using WAY too over-used terms and words and cliches in poems.
My favorite line?
"Throw me away like yesterday".
This poem could be pretty easily transformed into a song, which I can always appreciate. Overall, I feel this is pretty damn good. Keep on writing.
-
Excellent.
This was an excellent write. I loved the way you repeated certain lines. " Throw me away like yesterday "
" Hide me in the shadows "
" Place me on the high shelf "
Excellent choice of words and Phrases they just bring the whole thing together.
Yet it is so sad and I just wonder what this Guy is thinking seems he is willing to give up a beautiful "ROSE" for a dandeline,
But all I can say it is his loss .
You have a real tallent for drawing one right in to your poem. Again a great job.
-
I know how you feel, sometimes.
=S
great description. ^.^ -
Transcend All
Groovy Write! I love it just as you meant it to be! It flows perfectly almost as indivuals thoughts yet they flow together as one train. You have a gift for expressiong your emotions and this peice shows you've used that very well. Your remminder to this memory or person that you
"Throw me away like yesterday." explanation or charge was brilliant! Great Work, I enjoyed it very muh!
Namaste'
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The strange thing about this piece, the part of it that makes it so intriguing, is that the flow is cut off in certain places but it's that cut off that makes it work... It's really rather difficult to explain, but it makes for a truly enjoyable piece.
The repetition of "Throw me away like yesterday" is done very tastefully and making it a line on it's own was an extremely wise thing to do because it emphasises it on a different (higher) level than if you were to make it every second line like many other poets do! Because you've done this, the title could be something entirelly different and those lines would still catch the eye of the reader, maybe even making them forget what the title actually is!
Great job here,
Bandaid.
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I think i might have liked it better if it had been sectioned up into stanzas, this way it kind of seemed like it was said in a single breath and i think this kind of pain is more drawn out. However i did like the repetition of your title line, it really drove the point home
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