the full limbs
of white lilac
flicker now, delicate,
as its blossoms
begin to part
slow and quiet.
I have thought
to name them,
each in their departure,
weighted heavy as
constellations;
to speak of how
they sever themselves
time and again
blossom from branch
hand-from-hand.
In a list
A contest entry
- your best poem - prewrites by hilly.
300 points, ended August 5, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I have been reading and reading and reading. I have yet to be able to find or describe the exact feeling your writing and poems evoke for me (which I think is very good).
The best I can do for today is that they make me feel at once a very light floating but balanced by just the right amount of seriousness or weight of meaning. They are very feminine and hard to resist really.
You might consider removing that as in line 4 and just move right into
its blossoms begin ..
more of an actual happening then.
and I'm wondering if you really need delicate in that third line - flicker is such a better way to end that stanza, I think. With the title Child and the flowers - there is an intrinsic delicateness. Otherwise I think this poem is just very special.
It will probably take me a while to work up some comments but I wanted you to know I have been traipsing through your poem house.
Lisa
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cool poem!!!!!!!!!its lik really good....i love it
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A wonderful metaphorical poem...and the white lilacs just add that extra touch to it. There is an eastern saying that goes "it is a wise mother who knows when to let her children go"...somehow this poem reminded me of that. Loved the depth of thought here - just a beautifully crafted poem and excellent metaphor.
~ Nicolette
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deep with soul
Imagery and metaphore of children and flowers , how they bloom , how we see them and part with them in some way or another, as our own childhood perhaps..love the word constellation ..so fitting as dreams and stars and wishes of all.
again a lovely poem with a genius weaver mind...
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full limbs of white lilac-----what a metaphor!
I have thought
to name them,
each in their departure
those lines make me think that all that departs does have a name-----it is called a memory.oui???
blossom from branch
hand-from-hand.
either this is an extremely deep write, or I am in an extremely deep frame of mind, for what came to mind here was birth-death-rebirth [cycles of life]
I guess I better try to catch some more zzzz's as well[had been in bed already though and woke up tossing and turning about 1am EDT. If only I could convince hubby to sleep on the couch
I like hogging the entire bed to be comfortable, so sometimes we sleep in shiftsI toss him out when I go back
great job on this write btw. Would have been a Gold had it been in a contest
xoxoxoxxooxoxo
reenie
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what a beautifully sad metaphor this could be for so many losses...
i really liked this, it somehow has a quiet mournfulness in the beauty of nature and yet a celebration of life's cycles...
i know that sounds very odd but that is what i read.
elaine
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trust me -- it's not odd at all... on spot actually.
thanks as always Elaine.
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Wow this was amazing. Great short write took my breath away. :
Delila
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thanks so much delila...
every time I see your name come up now, I think of the song "hey there delila won't you come to new york city..." Man, that song has grown on me in the last few weeks.
anyway -- thanks again hon. 'hope all is well
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