There is a mist in the valley
Something frail, which I rarely know
I fear I'll lose it, if I dare but breathe
So I will hold the moment
Close,
To my hearts ease~
The soft sun is sinking
Slowly beyond my sight
And the crickets song
Summons the night
The mist is drifting with the clouds of rose
And a tranquil sweetness
Settles in my soul~
Though my heart is shattered
My spirits low
The warm dusk scatters my last
sapphire tear
And the mist in the valley
Pacifies my fears~
Author notes
just some rambling thoughts....
Written August 23rd, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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If these are rambling thoughts then I know without a doubt that your clear thoughts are sure to leave one speechless.A truly remarkable piece of artistry my dear.
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this is absolutely beautiful
bookmarking and will be back to read more -
Another beautiful write, Susan. I love the image of nature soothing your shattered heart. Your use of imagery in this one is excellent. I continue to be amazed by your talent. I enjoy reading your poems very much.
~ Lee -
ahhh sapphire tears... wonderful imagery here hun, absolutely perfect..As Always
:P your dream like visions always amaze me..
~~GILL~xxxx -
What beautiful rambling thoughts you have! I am glad you appreciate the beauty in these things, and hope you see many more beautiful things that inspire you to write wonderful poems like this!
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Such beautiful sadness if I ever saw it Susan my friend~~ and you go and end it with a little bit of hope~~ I just love how you did that there
I loved this line
'The warm dusk scatters my last
sapphire tear'
oooo so pretty sad that was!
Beautiful even in its sadness Susan
~~Dawn
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Beautiful
I loved the way you showed how something so simple as a beautiful mist could soothe a downtrodden heart. You words evoked a beautiful image of a delicate mist, and an even more beautiful soul. It was a wonderful write. -
*smiles*
within this beauty...
you touch in wonder...
and keep one within one's imagination with this...
Somehow i can envision this with my mind...
leaving one wistful!
I did enjoy this!
Keep penning on!
Bill -
it always seems when we are at our low points that the best writes appear outta nowhere, the beauty that you shared and created within this write is truely touching and made my heart weep.....
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Susan...
As always your poem truly depicts such lovely imagery.
The "crickets song summons" needs to indicate possession somehow, but other than that- it's pretty tight technically and creatively.
It's always a pleasure to stop by...
'Hope all is well. Catch up with me about your last week when you get a chance.
Kimmie -
Very deep poem, I loved the wonderful imaginations you made, especially in that line:
"The soft sun is sinking"
That was more than wonderful. -
And the crickets song
Summons the night
The mist is drifting with the clouds of rose
And a tranquil sweetness
Settles in my soul... this is so beautiful, Susan... and I could see the whole scene... when we are feeling so shattered... little things, like a sunset, a stary night, or a valley mist can give us a sense of calm... beautiful, girl.
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Susan, this is a very peacefull and beautiful scene you have painted with your words, and the way you have entwined your emotions into the nature of the piece gives it a flavour of the ancient Chinese poetry by the likes of Wei, Qian and Li.
The mood carries the tranquillity into the hearts of the reader and they share the peace of the moment.
Beautifully done.
Andrew -
Beautiful poem...very descriptive and wonderful to read. Thank you also for the comment on my poem, and the prayer, it means a lot to me. Thanks again, and great poem. You are a wonderful writer!
Elise -
Excellent! Lovely Poem!
Really enjoyed this, Sis! What Karen said goes for me, too. Beautiful poem! Was the word "just" at the end an oversight?
< 3 Maureen
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Susan
This is beyond beautiful , very peaceful and relaxing
I felt a sad undertone with this, even though your soothing words caressed my soul with the lovliest images
My favorite:
The soft sun is sinking
Slowly beyond my sight
And the crickets song
Summons the night
The mist is drifting with the clouds of rose
And a tranquil sweetness
Settles in my soul~
Love you,
Karen
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If these are "just some rambling thoughts" I can't begin to imagine how much more beautiful this poem would be. This is just another example of your unlimited talent. Very peaceful, comforting write. Thanks for sharing yet again.
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THIS is very peaceful. I could have laid my head down and slept here because reading this calmed my heart and swept away my anxieties that keep me awake at night. (Too bad you cannot come to my house and read this to me! That would be heaven.) I love that you show in the poem how the scene soothed you even in sorrow. Nature does seem to apply a balm to lives pain. Lovely, with so much hope.
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Yes i could feel the heart breaking.. trying to see the beauty in what was all around her to ease the pain ..think we all have had them days that we reached for hope.. I know i have" .. And i like the little "~" to dress the poem up!
God only knows how many picky people i have distracted.. if i have, i hope so! hehe :D..This was gorgeous in a sad but beautiful way and the hope at the end of the poem in finding peace and solitude in the
beauty ...Just beautiful hon* As always you write so lovely!
Such a perfect picture to go with the poem also....Wonderful job on this Sweety!... Loved it! and Love You too! ~ ~ ~ Mina
Edited on Aug 24 because ''. -
sometimes things give us comfort in strange ways, whether beautiful, mystical, dark or light. Great piece and imagery here. hang in there
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This is a very good poem. I liked the structure and the style, especially the ending really hit me for some reason. Thanks for commenting on my poem. It was a pleasure to read your work.
Brian -
This is bittersweet and full of dread.
You feel so low on energy and heart here, Sus.
It may look beautiful but underneith it is very
painful, but with a glint of hope. You bare your
heart and soul in this delicate write. Blessings
and Hugs. -
glad I read it
Wow! What a beautiful poem. Sweet little write here. -
captivate
A waltz of talent shows with this most wonderful write!
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OK. Reminds me of Mist Arisen poem Nukeliu did. Don't know if I spelled his name right lol.
Anyway the alliteration of the soft "S" sounds really make this one sweet. For example:
And a tranquil sweetness
Settles in my soul~
Of course like I've said to others these "~" are really distracting and the lack of punctuation makes it hard on the reader. I know young folks are taught first to just write without punctuations in school, but sooner or later the punctuation makes the poem more powerful and professional in my opinion. The master punctuated their poems.
This poem does end in semi-sad note, well aleviated sadness occurs though. However we were forewarned it was fragile in the first stanza. :-)
The poems is wonderfully grounded in valley, crickets, nights, close like roses.
Is it "heart's ease" perhaps?
Good poem. -
Your craft is showing, Susan... Great job here!!!
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I will have to agree with Smoothie, beautifully crafted work , nicely done !!
thanks you for sharing this with us
...Honorablyfallen -
"The soft sun is sinking
Slowly beyond my sight
And the crickets song
Summons the night" - this poem is very profound and powerful, these lines right here hit me especially, im bookmarking this. great work
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