You put a hole in my new umbrella...
The one i put over your head, as the rain came down in torrents upon my head.
I didn't want you to have water falling down your cheeks.
Not on your pretty face, nothing to hurt you.
I gave you my bed when you had nowhere to sleep, and I slept on the floor.
Anything to keep you away from a hard, cold awakening.
You loved me, I hoped you did.
The window open as you dreamt, but I stared...I knew what you were dreaming about,
but you didnt want me to know. I just pushed them away as you breathed.
You punched me in the face, and I didn't even see it.
You lit me on fire and I never saw the flames.
Not until now.
Not until I discovered the corpse I thought was living laying at your grave.
Comments
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Once again, another amazing write from you.
This one has such a desperate sound to it, I love that.
The structure works really well for this piece, allows it to flow, any other form would have made this feel choppy, but the seperation works beautifully in your favour.
You punched me in the face, and I didn't even see it.
You lit me on fire and I never saw the flames.
Not until now.
Not until I discovered the corpse I thought was living laying at your grave.
My favourite lines. Such a sad concept bbi, I love this write.
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"Anything to keep you away from a hard, cold awakening.
You loved me, I hoped you did."
Awe, wonderful!
"The window open as you dreamed,"
Since dreamed is past tense, Shouldn't open be as well?
[And is it dreamed or dreamt? Ahh well. Whatever.]
"You punched me in the face, and I didn't even see it."
"Not until I doscovered the corpse I thought was living laying at your grave."
Oh gosh this is awesome.
Wonderful job. :]
<3 -
wow, this is the best poem you've done
ever done! so great and so sweet!
it reminded me of umbrella by rihanna!
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