I Give Up

Gray smoke in void space,
swirling mist and smell of decay.
That is all that lingers in my mind,
and I try to fake a smile.

I took the mask away for a time,
and found it's harder to put it back on.
I once hid my scars and now,
it seems that everyone can see.

I sit in the corner today,
and I can't seem to be happy.
I think about them often,
but there is only silence.

How do you mend?
How do you keep guarded enough,
so that dissapointment doesnt hurt anymore?

I used to be so good at feeling nothing.
I was numb and undestructable.

Today though,
I feel as though I have died a thousand times over.
I laugh at myself and cant help but realize how pathetic I've become.

The innocence had died in me,
and those who know me watch me.
They say I have shadows in my eyes.

They have not yet even seen,
the demons that lurk in my heart,
the weights I carry on my soul.

Why do I care so damned much?
I have become weak.
I am a guilty traitor a thousand times,
for neglecting what I have been taught.

I sigh and push my hair away from my face,
my golden eyes rest on the door in front of me.
It is pointless to hope when reality says no,
so I sit here still.

I wait,
I sit,
I cry,
I give up.