The sky is filled with crooks,
Claiming superiority,
Clinging to filched stars
Burning tips of fingers
Born quick and devious
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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What can I say that everyone else has not yet to? I find that I am at a loss for words.. I liked this piece so much.Great write..
Peace to you, Jetleena. -
I absotely love all of this poem. Short, succint/terse, and sweet.
My favorite lines are the first two: "The sky is filled with crooks,
Claiming superiority".
Ab fab, dahling.
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I walk the earth, humble tumble, claiming know thing.
I might suggest an experiment with alliteration, thus:
"The sky is filled with crooks,
Claiming superiority,
Clinging to bling,
Cracking fingertips,
Quick and devious."
and extend/interpolate, thus:
"The sky is filled with crooks,
Claiming superiority,
like heaving above heaven;
Clinging to bling,
like zodiac stole all the stars;
Cracking fingertips,
like knuckles burned for release;
Quick and devious but unlike
new born babes, not to be borne."
I critique in response to your message, by way of example rather than 'suggest you change it to this', by way of 'in another mind time-space, try this' rather than amble preamble to another's ramble tamble.
Master Anarchy.
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This is a nice write. In this world it is like everyone for yourself. It has becomm a world without feelings and if you have them you might as well keep them in.
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Wonderful
Very well done. Best of luck in the contest.
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Sometimes you have to look under every stone!
Yep!
Integrity is certainly hard to find in people now-of-days.
But never give up!
Wonderful entry - Good Luck in the contest!
Tang
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Nicely written for the prompt, too many out there are this type I am afraid, best of luck in the contest...Scott
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