Your lips on mine
Is like silk on sandpaper
You’re shredding my mouth
To pieces, and grinding my heart
Into specks of dust you can blow away
Let’s pretend you didn’t just throw your hand
Carelessly across my innocent freckled face
Because I just know it was an accident
We seem to have a lot of those. x
You don’t like staying still
&& to be honest, neither do I
So I think it’s best that we sway
A little to the left & maybe to the
Right. Hard and fast to the sound of
Heavy-breathing & whispered argument
&& As you walk away from me yet again
I’m going to kid myself that I won
That one sided argument
Because fighting back is the reason
I have to keep my clothes on
‘Cause bruises always
Make you cry. x
Author notes
This needs explaining :]
It's an abusive relationship.
He hits her and forces her into things.
&& She pretends that she's letting him do it.
When she really hates it.
But she loves him too much to stop him.
A little fucked up?
Hope you like x
Blackened Heart
A contest entry
- Before I Pull This Trigger, Your Eyes Vacant And Stained. by forbidden-colour.
300 points, ended July 12, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ♥ Blackend Love ♥ by stop a bullet.
385 points, ended August 5, 2007, 23 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
I didn't think this needed explaining, I got it when I read it.
It's beautiful.
"Fair is foul, and foul is fair" as Shakespeare said.
That quote sums this poem up.
-
aw thats so sad and pretty
it actually made me cry
thats so so so so so sad! -
This is a really touching piece. It's so beautifully sad, it really hit on what I was looking for in this contest.
"Because fighting back is the reason
I have to keep my clothes on
‘Cause bruises always
Make you cry. x "
I love it. great job. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!
}{aley
-
wow this is amazing.
i love the first stanza. its beautiful
"you're shredding my mouth
to pieces and grinding myheart"
those are my favorite line -
oh wow, first stanza and I allready love this although I noticed something;
"Your lips on mine
Is like silk on sandpaper
You’re shredding my mouth"
So he's the sandpaper, correct? If HE's shredding your mouth.
So when you say
'your lips on mine'
I feel like,
"Is like silk on sandpaper'
Should be,
'Is like sandpaper on silk.'
Just to keep things in order.
...Just a suggestion.
"&& As you walk away from me yet again
I’m going to kid myself that I won
That one sided argument"
Awe, this was so good.
I really love it.
At first I was like,
I hope this isn't about HER
and then I read your notes and I breathed a sigh of relief. :]
If you know her, I suppose you should help her?
Good luck in the contest <3 -
-
Yeah, I see what you mean! :]
This was a rushed piece. I think I'm going to have to edit it a little. Thank you for the lovely comment ^.^
-
-
"Because I just know it was an accident
We seem to have a lot of those. x"
Oh hun.
This was wonderful.
*cuddles you*
Finalist hun.x.
Mwah.x.
Lullaby.x.
[ Thank you for entering and the best of luck goes to you! ]
-
The last few lines are horrible (oh I mean the images they present are, not the lines themselves =/). But it's an amazingly written piece and I really like it (even if it's a little scary). I wasn't too sure if it was supposed to be;
"Your lips on mine
Is like silk on sandpaper"
or
"Your lips on mine
Are like silk on sandpaper"
But it's wonderful
Good luck
-
-
Now you mention it, I don't know =/
I want it to be is 'cause that's more like a similie.
But I suppose it sounds better as are. I will have to think about that!! Thank you for the lovely comment :] -
-
A similie is comparing something to something else, yes? I didn't realise it had to be something is like something else, otherwise it wouldn't work for all sentences... But I could be wrong. I don't pay enough attention in English to remember
o.O I think that has got me more than a little confused -
-
Erm.. Now I'm confused :]
Yeah.. I always thought it had to be something IS like something... I don't pay attention in english either. I hardly know what a metaphor is :] -
-
I did for a while, but then I realised that in some sentences, and tenses, that wouldn't work...
Now I'm really not sure
=/
I'll have to ask my brother tomorrow, he's big on the english, especially sentence structure. ^_^
-
-
Please let me know, when you find out!!
It's going to bug me forever otherwise ^.^
-
-
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
