Oh, Babe.
Crush me like the empty
Pop can that I am.
[I'm filled to the brim with:
Empty lies
Empty Promises
And Empty Hopes.]
Sometimes,
Empty Hearts sink deep
To give it a "cool" affect.
Paper bags with our names scrawled on them.
[So we don't forget what we're called;]
In a world where everyone
Wears the Same Smile, (Upside down)
Speaks the Same Language, (Crying)
And Uses the Same Name - (Worthless.)
I'm breaking up with Useless Techniques
Of inhaling proper etiquette.
Where bits of the world shatters without iridescence,
[I'll still be shining;
Living on the dieing nova
That crashed into my heart.]
Broken hips lay on stairwells
[Where kids made-out]
Next to broken hearts.
Promiscuous love letters reside in
Firework filled Postal Boxes
Next to Glamorous Notes and Pay Checks.
Music notes and Melodies rest on
Unstrung Guitar Strings.
Dirty Laundry Hangs on wires made of
[Agateophobia].
My eyes hang low-
-Remorse and Weakness are stitched into the lashes.
They weigh more than my Heavy heart
[Full of Super glue.]
Dreams are sprinkles on top of
The Nightmare glazed cake,
Melting away toxins in my system.
Lipstick kisses line your mirror,
Where snapshots and memories
Should be.
My ribs are crackling beneath the
Arrows that Cupid shot [& missed].
(If he can't do it, Who can?)
And slowly the shield against my vital organs is
Crumbling.
"Please! Take my skin,
I need my heart."
My spine is pressed against your
Gun made of kisses,
And your bullets made of lust and carelessness
Have my name carved to the core.
And Shh-
The world stops beating,
[It's letting my heart do it's job.]
But only when [I see you.]
It's pounding faster and slower
At the same time.
I did the math;
The average person speaks
512460000 words in their lifetime.
And I've wasted oh-so-many on you.
Give it up;
If we weren't good at using our lips for kissing,
Who says we're good enough to surpass the average
At Speaking our
Thoughts?
Author notes
Mm.
I like this.
And I better damn well like it;
It kept me up ALL night. >.>
I kept trying to sleep and all I had were lines running through my mind saying, "WRITE ME, WRITE ME!"
So I was up scribbling down this junk.
Hah.
I ended up having a very lousy sleep and woke up at 7:30 for tennis practice... Uh, fun. Yeah.
Anyways,
well I like it.
I hope you do?
Oh, and the average person speaks 18000 words a day
So you multiply that by 365 (For a years worth)
And then I multiplied it by like 78 for the average lifespan.
Also;
Agateophobia- Means Fear of insanity.
Well... I hope you liked it? Haha.
<3 x--butterflykisses.
A contest entry
- The Sky is Alive by sweetpearl.
2975 points, ended July 29, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - POETRY OF HONORABLE MENTION ONLY by Three Doves.
300 points, ended September 5, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I really like this piece. The only real losers are the one's that don't take advantage of the escape routes of social insanity. Well written and very thought provoking. Thank you for entering the contest and best wishes.
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Haha, I do agree with that.
Thank you and good luck with the contest. :]
<3
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Pieces written because you couldn't sleep are usually really, really good. Something about your mind when it knows it should sleep but something triggers it to write.
I like the title to this. I could fit into that definition ... the Loser. Losers are cool though.
"Oh, Babe... -...To give it a "cool" affect."
--the repetition of empty was used great. The last two lines are my favourite here. Also the cool in quotations works well against the title I feel. I'm not exactly positive on how to explain my reasoning for that but I feel it does so we'll leave it at that.
"Paper bags with our names scrawled on them... - ...And Uses the Same Name - (Worthless.)"
--if I grabbed a bag with someone else's name, would I take on their identity? I wonder that. Third and fourth line - fucking brilliant. Feels like we're all wearing a mask of who we are. We are covering who we are with a facade of someone we're not wearing our true faces. Does that make any sense at all? HAHA. We're pretending to be ourselves.
"I'm breaking up with Useless Techniques... - ...That crashed into my heart.]"
--ugh, I had to take etiquette in college for some weird reason. I learned how to eat bread at a restaurant ... yeah. I like the imagery here. Sometimes your voice sounds almost sarcastic then it goes to serious. It's quite neat.
"Broken hips lay on stairwells... - ...[Agateophobia]."
--the fear of insanity is neat in a way. Most people who have major phobias act pretty much insane around whatever it is they are afraid of. I like the addition of the music bit because I love seeing music in poetry, no matter what it is. A sign of depression is all of a sudden becoming promiscuous ... there are many other signs of course, many of which I have had for years but that one just came to be. When I found out it could be because of depression, I clued in that I really do need to seek help. For some reason that reminded me of my experience and I felt the need to tell you. Heh.
"My eyes hang low-... - ...[Full of Super glue.]"
--I like how you chose specific words to capitalize as if to emphasis them. Heavy hearts ... difficult to walk with that. I like the image of your eyes ... weighed down with such weakness, helplessness and more. It's probably why I walk face down.
"Dreams are sprinkles on top of... - ...Should be."
--they should be there but aren't because you have no one to share those memories with. You can pretend your entire life that you have these people, you can speak outloud as if you're talking to somebody else but the truth is, they will never be real. RAMBLING ON.
"My ribs are crackling beneath the... - ...I need my heart.""
--what to do with a heart that has no skin to bury it in? I don't know. Cupid is a loser, I have realized this. I'd arrow that fucker.
"My spine is pressed against your... - ...Have my name carved to the core."
--guns and carving ... I smell blood. Or bones shaking as the instrument digs in to tattoo it with whatever it is you're carving. Bone dust EVERYWHERE.
"And Shh-... - ...At the same time."
--I like the shh, because you can hear it being whispered. Hearts are a funny thing ... the way they make you feel when you see a certain thing or feel a specific emotion. Sometimes I want to grasp in my hands as if to strangle and say "GIVE ME BACK MY LIFE - STOP TAKING CONTROL!!" but I've lost my mind and gone mad as you can probably tell by these strange comments, hah.
"I did the math;... - ...Thoughts?"
--words can never really be wasted. You can speak to someone, say argue, for hours and the outcome would be the same or gone nowhere, it isn't wasting. It releases our heart, mind, tongue from grip for a while. If we kept these things inside us ... and only thought them, we'd all be aged. But I love your ideas and the ending is superb. Great question, very thought provoking. I do like this piece a lot and I'm glad you entered it in.
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Thank you so much for such long comments.
I really do appreciate them and even if you ramble I love seeing your intake on some of my thoughts. :]
It's rather nice and they make me smile.
Haha.
I hope you do like this though,
and good luck with the contest! :] <3
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Broken hips lay on stairwells
[Where kids made-out]
Next to broken hearts.
Promiscuous love letters reside in
Firework filled Postal Boxes
Next to Glamorous Notes and Pay Checks.
Music notes and Melodies rest on
Unstrung Guitar Strings.
Dirty Laundry Hangs on wires made of
[Agateophobia].
And Shh-
The world stops beating,
[It's letting my heart do it's job.]
But only when [I see you.]
It's pounding faster and slower
At the same time.
I did the math;
The average person speaks
512460000 words in their lifetime.
And I've wasted oh-so-many on you.
this is an awesome write! i loved every single part of this
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Thank you so much for your wonderful comments. <3 :]
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np! i like reading your work!
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And Shh-
The world stops beating,
[It's letting my heart do it's job.]
But only when [I see you.]
It's pounding fasting and slower
At the same time.
i adore that
fear of insanity? hmmmm......are you trying to imply something dearie....say my being insane?
hmm........how very cheeky of you.
ha ha
i liked this. of course i always do like your pieces. but this one's got...........an almost childish honesty to it.
hmm........................
i really should be working, but oh how i loathe it
let's hope no one catches me
ha ha
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Oh, Nadia!
You need to start EDITING when you read my stuff rather than talk about yourself.
I used "Fasting" instead of faster in the part you copied and pasted.
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darling i'm aboslutely in no mood to edit, i'm trying to get out of doing any real work at work
i promise i'll edit when i read at home, but now i'm too afraid i'll get caught
ha
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