Feel it sinking, each drop of it gone.
The tips of my fingers fading, going numb.
Trace the gentle hum shivering from the song.
Listen to the lyrics, pausing to remind me of you.
Acknowledge the failure, of growing apart as you did.
Blink in the dream of being forgotten and discarded.
Each letter from our words placed in a jar, closing the lid.
Shaking my head in disapproval of us uncompleted.
I can laugh to myself, knowing the blame follows me.
Falling as I place my heart in a poem, wrapped without you.
Drawing the letters to thank you for helping me see.
Angry for failing to realize, to remember what I already knew.
You brought me on a journey, a sailboat around the world.
Within the strengths of winds, and calms of beauty.
You showed me all of what might have one day been a would.
Only to let me sink, leading to believe you abandoned me.
Oh the subtle feeling of dying, yet knowing I've lived.
I love to be reminded of the last person I know I loved.
Drifting into all of the cutest things passed and believed.
Knowing I'm cold hearted, unable to love you, I'm relieved.
This is the closure to all that I once wanted.
A token to tell you, that friendship is in sight.
Merely to let you know that I loved you, but.
I will never love you the same way, yet.
I will always love you, in another way.
Let my words kiss your ears.
Hold on to me inside of this.
Know that you will always be missed.
I'm always a warm open hug
just for you to snuggle in
your name is etched under my skin
invisible to the naked eye
but touchable in the tears cried
Strength came from the pain endured.
Sorrow came from the happiness once cured.
I love you.
as friends should.
and Do.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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"Falling as I place my heart in a poem, wrapped without you." my favorite line of the whole piece. but there was so much creativity in the way you expressed your feelings. I enjoyed reading this.
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Thank you :]
I love the feedback.
much appreciated.
|aiko|
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sweet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What an awesome piece of poetic royalty that has flowed from your pen here. Imagery and vocabulary are to die for. Keep on penning!!!!!!!!!!
POETDONTKNOWIT -
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Lol thanks for the comment.
much appreciated.
:]
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Look at me! I'm the first comment.
Based on the structure and the flow (which is slow), I thought it was quite good, and it is just the right length too - not too long, and not too short so that your point isn't taken across the reader.
However based on the language and use thereof, I give two applaudes. Yet based on this: "Each letter from our words placed in a jar, closing the lid" - You're geeting three of them. I love that line. Fricken awesome.
I think some areas good have benefitted with "," rather than the almighty "." as a means to pick up the flow just a little bit, without speeding it up too much.
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Thank you for the feed back,
and as you said about the "," instead of "."
well I have a thing for slower things.
Life moves too quickly, poems should let you fall into them, and take a break from the speed of things.
I prefer slower poems in other words.
Quick ones feel... rushed, overwelming the reader and causing them to lose focus.
With the periods I placed them at the ends of each line, because the lines were meant to stop. and pick up.
even if they belonged together, I still wanted to break it.
With the last part, I didn't put periods because it was a closing, it was meant to pick up, only to finally finish off what I mean within the entire poem.
anyways.
sorry for rambling.
I Really appreciate the feedback,
Thanks so much!!
|aiko|
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