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*Take Me* or [[Break]] Me

Candy coated lies
          && sugar laced heartbreak

Lush licorice lips
                (((ever so dark)))

  Black skinny jeans

Ripped & torn

---------Just like my heart

By you, my knight in dented armor

Can you honestly say you never meant to **harm** her?


Cocoon me...
      In your luscious lies

*Wrap me up and never let me go*

Send out daggers with your malicious eyes

That blanket me like gently
f
a
  l
  l
    i
    n
      g
        snow.

{{I'm yours for the taking darling}}

Author notes

Just a style I've been trying out recently. What do you think???

Thoughts? Comments? Pretty-Please?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • silver-X-lining gold member
    October 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful... an enjoyable read, intriguing tale of sorts, and nicely expressed... especially your unanswered questions.

    "Cocoon me...
    In your luscious lies
    *Wrap me up and never let me go*
    Send out daggers with your malicious eyes
    That blanket me like gently
    f
    a
    l
    l
    i
    n
    g
    snow.
    {{I'm yours for the taking darling}} "

    Love it.

    Nice word usage and imagery too... Candy coated lies, sugar laced heartbreak, and luscious lies I liked especially, partially because they went together so well. Well penned, poet.

    P.S. are you a recent DP convert as well? Feel free to take a look at mine if you feel like it!

    ~QoA


  • Fey Absinthe
    August 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i love this peice! grunge. it piles on.
    something so simple
    c
    a
    n

    b
    e

    w
    o
    n
    d
    e
    r
    f
    ul


  • juliex-exotic shine
    July 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Ah I really love this. Great write.
    [take.care]
    x.


  • LucyLightning
    July 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    oh. i really liked this. =]]

    you might take out some of the punctuation though & maybe go into more detail on some parts. like, the stars on ..

    *Wrap me up and never let me go*

    weren't very necessary.. maybe try [ ] instead or maybe even just let it lay out there by itself for a tan. lol.

    =]]

    good job on this, i really enjoyed this piece
    & thanks for asking me for advice, ask me about
    anything anytime.


  • adema1214
    July 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    good poem but the form is confsing me still but u know me......so im cofused lol


  • hopelessly-broken
    July 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    again i loved it!!! i love this style! its awesome!!

    keep up the amazing writting sweetie

    love you heaps
    xoxoxoxoxox


  • fallenangel671
    July 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i loved this, you should keep the style up...i loved how you wrote this, its an awesome write,
    keep writing


    ~Ashley~<3

1 - 8 of 8