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Ambrosia

Missing image

Ambrosia

From the mirror a deception
As I cast my own reflection
The grim whispers under my breath
Ambrosia to prevent his death

As I cast my own reflection
Enchantment of his conception
Peleus gazed with black ivory eyes
Hate for the child he did despise

The grim whispers under my breath
To save him from still evil Seth
Immortal with the sting of fires
Anoint the infant with desires

Ambrosia to prevent his death
Lest mortal dropped from sky to earth
With potion tucked within my frock
Still rushing is the mortal clock

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Option #1
Word Bank:
Deception, grim, whispers, breath, ivory, sting, sky, frock, still, rushing

Thetis anointed the infant Achilles with ambrosia and passed the child through the fire to make him immortal—a familiar Phoenician custom—but Peleus, appalled, stopped her, leaving only his heel unimmortalised.

Seth: evil beast-headed Egyptian god with high square ears and a long snout; brother and murderer of Osiris

Retourne:
Like so many other French forms, the retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.
form source: shadowpoetry.com

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • porphyry
    July 13, 2007

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    bravooo!

    love the high language and deep feelings running through this one, the interlacing repetition also does really good things for me


  • Swan song gold member
    July 10, 2007

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    Anoither wonderful retourned I love this form so much and you do it so very well, flawless in both form meter and content, also a rhyme wow!


  • ellipsist
    July 9, 2007
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    very beautiful... you've managed

    to make this already intriguing story enchanting wih your telling of it... wonderful!


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    July 9, 2007

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    A poem to be remembered...the myth of the immortal soul lives on through your words...Immortal with the sting of fires Anoint the infant with desires...Beautiful my sweet friend


    • Amera gold member
      July 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much my dear friend. Your comments make writing a pleasure for me.


      Love,
      Amera ♥


  • And Hyetal
    July 9, 2007

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    I haven't heard this version of the myth before; I always though Achilles was put into a magical stream by his mother! But you tell the story well in your poem. I'm always in awe by your work, keep it coming!

    Always,
    Cassie


  • PerVirtuous
    July 9, 2007
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    Wow. A riveting write. I was shocked to find it was a wordbank. You are amazing. Three Bunnies!!


  • Hetha gold member
    July 8, 2007

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    This is absolutely amazing! You not only used perfectly chosen form, but utilized a wordbank, picture inspired, and still managed to teach something new, that few know half the story of. I didn't know about the story behind it, yet I am familiar with those characters, and some of the story, but how Achilles was immortalized, was something I didn't know before. What a challenge, you surpassed, my dear!


  • HaleyMary
    July 8, 2007

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    Cool write. Good word bank. Great flow. Great imagery in this piece. Thanks for including the parts of Achilles and Seth in the author notes. I was thinking of something totally different when I first read this piece. Anyway, great write. Best of luck in the contest.


  • RedAquarius
    July 8, 2007

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    I am so silly, I read "frock" SO wrong first and went Oh my!"

    This is a wonderful dip in myth, paired with a lovely form. It's nice to see such knowledge go into a poem, and with skill as yours - it's a double win


  • PoetsAngel
    July 8, 2007

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    Beautiful, dark and very informative...If school was like this I may have regained a lot more in my memory. This one is going to my page! I love it



    Cathy
    xxx


  • Desire gold member
    July 8, 2007

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    Holy Mother of Pear Jam!

    How do You do it
    A word bank in form~
    Magnificent!!
    Love the way You brought forth this Masterpiece!
    Powerful and the images grab the reader
    Wowzers

    Thank You for sharing this and Your Talent!
    Form Queen
    Best wishes to You in the contest
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • February Moon gold member
    July 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Really quite amazing, no more I can really say. Thank you for entering and good luck to you.
    Chelsea

1 - 13 of 13