The lights are leaving
before i saw them fade
and the wires dig my bones like sand
an inbetween sleep and breathing
i mistake the way in which
the world turns back to front.
As coffee lables read like newsprint
and head-aches are accidental smiles
my body shifts from wanting everything
to leaving with
less than a goodbye.
Holographic fingers clench
around the powder of my pillow
and tears leak -
water through closed canals
my eyes go quietly
with less resistance
than the words
that echo wildy like
a lullaby song
for rainy days
The windows close
the wind is lost
my muscles melt
and
the lights turn off.
Author notes
not sure about this i'll try re-jig it a bit laters darling xxx
In a list
A contest entry
- oh, to just disappear... by CarCrashHumor.
1500 points, ended August 15, 2007, 48 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
also...
"The windows close
the wind is lost
my muscles melt
and
the lights turn off."
it's achingly beautiful -
I hadn't read this yet, but apparently I had opened it?
so I'm sorry bout that..
I love this though.
"my body shifts from wanting everything
to leaving with
less than a goodbye."
beautiful. -
I actually think you shouldn't touch it. The flow is amazing, the descriptions are incredible, and the emotion is so deep and captured wonderfully.
This piece is really powerful and so sad. It makes me feel like glass...
I looove you
<3333333
-
Good Form
This was pretty good I think it held me all the way through and ended as I thought it would -
taht end had a great beat to it, really flowed well,
than the words
that echo wildy like
a lullaby song
for rainy days
The windows close
the wind is lost
my muscles melt
and
the lights turn off.
liked head-aches are accidental smiles as well, cool line
the line that sorta seemed to stick awkwardly in my head was the wires sticking in like sand, i dounno, maybe its a statement or something but it just sounded odd,
all in all great piece tho
xxxxxx
-
-
was ment to be a sort of ironic childish image - like building a sandcastle out of bones too frail to be held up on their own... and constantly being in need of readjustment... might re-jig that line laters.
thanksyoo x
-
-
Holographic fingers clench
around the powder of my pillow
and tears leak -
water through closed canals
my muscles melt
and
the lights turn off.
DAM
I thought mine was decent
before this
LOVE it doll
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