I look in the mirror
And what do I see?
A vain adulterer,
A random sodomiser of dozens,
A liar,
A cheat,
A thief (yes I stole a paperback from WH Smith's once),
A sodomite (or did I mention that earlier? well, add passive as well as active),
A determined drunkard with a threatened liver,
A person with a criminal record (buggery),
A wizened old fart who is losing his hair,
An overweight Lothario who is losing his fucking grip on reality,
A person with spreading white pubic hair,
A short-arse,
And a whoremonger to boot.
In sum:
[not to put too fine an edge on the matter]
A total and utter cunt.
But at least
I have shagged more people
Than most men have had hot breakfasts.
Author notes
Suggestions for the Edna film (provisionally titled "Lord of the Rims").
SNOGGO: Sacha Baron Cohen
Naughty Marietta: Victoria Wood
Edna: Sean Connery
Victor the one-legged Voyeur: Samuel L Jackson
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
The imagery has clarity and the honesty is as refreshing as a draught guinness to an irishman,so many write of themselves as if they are saints and you write of the sinner,most of us are a mixture of both surely?Outrageous,open and without froth,like coffee served black and strong to deal with a hangover the poet pens without pretention.
-
hilarious
you are great. -
truly spot on dear Pete
-
Guilty as charged with everything except losing my hair. You're a better man than me Ghunga Din. It takes a lot of guts to admit your faults, no matter how enviable they are, in this fashion and in this forum. Best of luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
-
A checkered life looks grey from a distance...
Consistent, from self-confessed vanity at the beginning to the vainglorious ending, and without the merest whimper of desire for redemption, you'll be commuting between Dante's circles by shuttle.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
