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Enchantment


Blissfully I am dampened
as murkiness dissolves, leisurely

Wholly I am fulfilled
as I quickly slither

secretly into the morn

Swelling with incentive
I plunge within a petal

that collapses with enchantment

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • cherche -d -ame
    July 11, 2007

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    thank you so much for this entry...I kept coming back to it over and over again to catch every single nuance of what it was saying and each time I became more drawn to it. At last read I saw the petal sort of anticipating the arrival of the dewdrop and surrendering completely. I truly enjoyed this little "interplay of dew and petal" beat wishes in the contest,
    reenie


  • zt
    July 10, 2007

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    Hmmm...first impression? This has much potential. You grabbed me at the beginning with your choice of "dampness". This gave it a very sensual feel. For me, it didn't fulfill that promise though. I got hung up with the repetition in the last three lines: "with/within/with". If they had been spaced out a bit more with intervening lines, they would have been fine. It seems that there should be another line or two before your last line, though you could have something after it I think the wording of it sounds like the finale and should stay as such. I mention the need for more as it feels a bit rushed to the end. Still, a lovely poem that paints a good picture.

  • johnh94
    July 8, 2007

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    Well, this is interesting! I liked it my darling, but why does the petal collapse with enchantment? Dew being the morning moisture, I would think the petal would be rejuvinated by your presence and instead unfold! Course, I haven't had coffee yet, so am only thinking with about 1% of my brain! will re-read as I sip my cup and perhaps enlightenment will bloom (or collapse!) as my brown dew seeps into my form! Much love, and know that I have missed you terribly! John


    • Leance
      July 8, 2007
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      John my love...
      How I have missed you.
      The petal collapses around the dew, inviting the dew in........
      How are you? Where have you been?
      I haven't been on much myself and I haven't written in forever.