Hey death- you’re really predictable
Gee I could think of better ways to kill
Every day your name comes up in media
The same exact stuff every single week
And did anyone tell you that you smell
When the heck was the last time that
You took a shower and used some soap
Trust me mate- it would seriously help
Do you know- if you ever take offense
At this sudden outburst of complaints
And decide to give me the kiss of death
Please make sure to brush your teeth
You are really way too slow sometimes
Bitter grannies live till they are hundred
And sometimes a little hard of hearing too
With depressed emo kids shouting your name
Funny how so many people shudder at you
When all you are is just an unhygienic fool
Without a darned watch and ear plugs- gee
You make life seem like a clueless lover
A contest entry
- The Early Bird by Tablet Of Essence.
430 points, ended August 8, 2007, 3 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm am so bored Give me something to do by Miss Chievous.
335 points, ended September 16, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
W-O-W
Awesome, though I don't really get the poem so could please explain? -
Also I will thank you for entering this poem here today.
-
wow...
this is surely deeper once you continue reading....Death sure has a way of knocking, huh?
This was a wonderful write and hope that you will contiue to post so we can experience more of your talent,
Ephiphany -
i dont know how to take this. cause it is funny but i dont know it just has something diffrent to it that is a good thing lol
-
love it love it had a certain twist...Do you know- if you ever take offense
At this sudden outburst of complaints
And decide to give me the kiss of death
Please make sure to brush your teeth this part of the piece stole me you have a tasteful style dear
good luck ~ julia ~
-
Thank you for all the wonderful comments dear poets!
-
woaw! This was simply amazing! gosh! how do you come up with these?
Keep on writing more
-
"Please make sure to brush your teeth"
Hehehe---clever
You have quite a way of expressing yourself, really---your style is very fresh---
"You make life seem like a clueless lover"--that's quite something there.
Only issue I take with this is that it's very---"in your face"--this is a subjective and personal criticism I understand (and therefore I'll not let it effect the judging TOO much)--but I feel satire is much more effective when executed calmly and perhaps sarcastically than in quite so belligerent a tone as this.
Last very small thing "did anyone say you're a bore?"---in my opinion, should be reworded slightly---it's a bit of an awkward phrase.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
