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She sings...

 

The curtain hugs the sill,
Five petals sleep on the wood,
Eyes trace the path of metalwork,

Where rain slips from the clouds,
To puddles that lay with open hands,
Glimpses of that gone away...

Life in the foothills of time,
Where arms hugged knees,
Into recess of this mind…

Notes fly from speech into a tune,
An arched back of new womanhood,
She bellows, a song of that river.

The one fostered by trees and insects,
Pebbles shimmer in her curves,
Wandering in the midst of valleys,

Joining a mass of waves that,
Dance with the horizon's children.
Touching a shore where our feet,

Mark deeper than the seabed,
Leaving breathless fish, choking turtles,
Thirsty creatures crawling around…

She bends forcefully trying to beat,
The strong tornado of machines,
Her drapes are shredded in travel.


  

~ The End ~







 

Help in the grammar part of it.. and critique it!!!!

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • individuality gold member
    May 16, 2008

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    a celebration of life i see here, to smile and sing alongside nature as growth spins the spirit towards the heavens.


  • Peteskid gold member
    October 25, 2007

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    wonderful expression here, a writer very much at one with her words, imagery is vibrant and one somehow wonders, what next...excellent...PK


  • Lyndon gold member
    August 6, 2007

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    A beautiful lyric

    because the imagistic mastery is such that the poem bursts with the theme of newly born sense of womanhood.
    Almost every line is quotable as fine pictures and sensations. I cannot choose a favourite but I shall try, Sam. "Life in the foothills of time" has its enchanting beauty and reach.
    The final line is sad but so only because life itself is fundamentally short.


    • Samyuktha P.C.
      August 6, 2007
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      All happy to hear from you. This is what I penned when you were away. I am happy that you find it beautiful! Yes the last line is sad and morbid, but you caught the point. Love loads. Sam.


  • lovelifelive gold member
    July 25, 2007

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    nice

    finally your mind ran restless nice to see you back again nice flow
    notes fly from speech into a tune,
    an arched back ofnew womanhood,
    she bellows,a song of that river
    love it no bad grammar that see


  • giving up on poetry
    July 19, 2007

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    very nice nothing seemed forced and it flowed quite nicely with a nice but teaching feel and the rhyme scheme wasn't annoying and worked well one of the better peices i read on here i would help with the grammer part but i am grammamticlly impaired as well


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    July 8, 2007

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    I haven't read one of your works in awhile. Yourt poem is interesting. I didn't see any grammatical errors as I was reading.

    • Samyuktha P.C.
      July 8, 2007
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      Been real long since we shared our work. Been long since I penned anything at all. Such happiness to see you write. Thanks a lot. How have you been??

1 - 8 of 8