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Paranoid Glances && Whispered Goodbyes

          You're my princess charming
               
                  [[You drove up in a hearse]]

This is a fairytale turned for the

            [[ worst ]]
         
You kiss my cold and uncaring lips
      (((ever so lush)))

a sweet, homicidal sin that just wanted to fit in
                 
                  **that was me**

              Until you blew me away


   

Causing me to question...?

{can you love a misguided little wreck like me?}

Not me, surely not me

With my skinny jeans, patched...
    Converse shoes && licorice coated lips

                        [[[Ever so black]]]

Baby just hold me ((hold me))

God knows misery loves company

So whisper goodbyes to yesterdays, todays and tomorrows

'Cause the only looking back we'll be doing
.:.is paranoid glances out of the corner of our eyes.:.








            (((xx-baby, hold me and never let go-xx)))

Author notes

CRUSH CRUSH CRUSH. Option 2!

I'm not quite sure if I like this but I hope you do. It's a different style for me, so I'm a bit of a first-timer in this type of contest. Hope you like it!

(((Great contest BTW)))
"Your heart is a symphony"
Option 1

A contest entry

Ehh. What do you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • silver-X-lining gold member
    October 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    OMG I LOVED THIS!!! I'd have to say I liked it even more than the first I read... it's beautiful, and I loved the parenthetical remarks. They were just.so.perfect.

    You're my prince charming
    [[You drove up in a hearse]]
    This is a fairytale turned for the
    [[ worst ]] "

    I loved that bit. So perfect, and it *did* get my attention from the beginning! However, just about every line was thoughtfully penned and meaningful, and ironically beautiful. Flawlessly penned, poet; well done...

    ~QoA


  • juliex-exotic shine
    July 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I absolutely adore this poem. I love it!
    You're my prince charming

    [[You drove up in a hearse]]

    This is a fairytale turned for the

    [[ worst ]]

    You kiss my cold and uncaring lips
    (((ever so lush)))

    a sweet, homicidal sin that just wanted to fit in

    **that was me**

    Until you blew me away"
    That's my favorite of the whole poem; great write.
    [take.care]
    x.
    <3


  • PaintedParisPassion
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    ok well you kinda followed the rules, but you didnt all the way, please go back and reread them. i really liked this.


  • GimmeSomeGasoline
    July 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i love the two opening lines. very Gerard Way and "misery loves company", isnt that an Audition line? either way, i like the usage. And the feeling of paranoid glances came real clear in this one. like i could feel how nervous you were. good luck in the contest!


  • fallenangel671
    July 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow this was an awesome poem and i loved the style you wrote it in...amazing write, keep it up
    good luck in your contest
    keep writing


    ~Ashley~<3


  • LucyLightning
    July 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks babehhh! =]] i love it love it.


    Faren.


  • hopelessly-broken
    July 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    you did an fantastic job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    your not sure about it, but i looooooooooooovvvvvvveeeeeeeee it!!!!!!!!

    im loving the random punctuation and style at the moment!! this was amazing! and the second last line.. wow wonderful!!!
    ".:.is paranoid glances out of the corner of our eyes.:."

    keep up the amazing writting sis!!

    love you heaps and heaps
    love HB
    xoxoxoxoxoxox

1 - 8 of 8