It’s a beautiful day; the sun is shining;
So why am I here constantly whining?
Raindrops are falling from inside my heart.
Slowly my whole world begins to fall apart.
My soul is too weak and too tired to fight,
Too depressed and sad to sleep at night.
My thoughts are scattered all over the place
And I can’t find a smile to wear on my face.
A great sadness has taken control of me.
I haven’t got the energy to break free.
Everything I do just makes it worse.
I’m so tired of trying to finish first.
Psychically exhausted by giving my all.
No one seems to care that I’m going to fall.
Suicidal thoughts begin to flood my brain.
I'm just so tired of the emotional drain.
July 5 2007
A contest entry
- Many Options, Or Your Favorite Poem/Song You've Written by La Tua Cantante.
400 points, ended August 8, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Excellent
This is such a sad write and I can so relate to yor poem of feelings and emotioms. Oh it is so hard sometimes you just feeling like dying. When I lost my son I wrote a poem I Jsut Want To Diie I think thats what it is called. You did an excellent job in portraying deep emotions. Your wording and ryhme is excellent. Thank you for sharing your gift to wirte poetry with me. Wishing You Many Blessings. Thank you for sharing your gift to write poetry with me....I also want to thank you for commenting on my poem...
]Much Love
Kelle Marie
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Wow This is so great. I love it . Your words are amazing, Thanks for the read
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i love it. i love the way it flows. i know what it is like to feel that way. just know a days it seems like i am there more and more. but i dont plan on giving up and i dont think anyone should who is going through this. fight to get over it. everyone good write i love it. keep it up.
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I will never give up for I beleave that we all are here for a reason. Sometimes I get lost along te way and then I get back on track. Thanks for reading
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deep
thought it was amazing...liked the rhyme..totally can RELATE to it coming naturally...
love the emotions and the pain ...you really did a good job at bringing it out....sometimse lifes seems not worth fighting for any more ...but the reward is not letting those drainful,suicidal thoughts get the better of you...and just keep focusing ong the thingds in life that ARE worth the fight and the pain......effective use of title and last line.....
"My soul is too weak and too tired to fight,
Too depressed and sad to sleep at night.
My thoughts are scattered all over the place
And I can’t find a smile to wear on my face."
this is an excellent stanza
describes flawlessly a sad and depreseed soul....goood write
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thank you so much for read my poems. Lately I have been feeling very depressed. It turns out the the meds the doctor gave me was messing with my mind. i have since finding out stop take them.
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hum....lots of pain...which I think would be better expressed were it not locked in bars of rhyme...i suppose its just me, but I try to stick to "form suggests content" as much a possible, rather than going for a rhyme....that being said, this poem expresses the aftermath of a shattered heart almost to a t...nicely done
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Thank you so much for reading my poem. Ryhmes seem to come to me naturely.
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FransB
Your poem succeeds in extracting: Is this real or is it just another poem of its kind. If its real - then no 'poetic comment', other than "There's hope for you". If 'only a poem' - then I have some comments [please bear in mind I am just starting out in this world of poetry]:
1st stanza: I would leave out "it's a beautiful day" and rather expand on "the sun is shining" to keep most of your wording, as the second may denote the first.
2nd stanza: Well stated - it brings out 'burn-out', 'emotionalism', 'emotional reasoning' etc.
3rd stanza: Here's the reason for being emotionally drained - hidden yet openly stated.
4th stanza: Here's the 'turn': either to take self-control or too let others take control - the content tells what you hint at doing - but I still see the 'hope' and the 'endurance' [you have].
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Yes this poem is real it was how I was feeling on that day. Thanks for reading
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Thank you for blatantly violating one of my rules: "No rhyme whatsoever. If I see any, I'll probably suicide, but not before I boot your entry out."
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Dear blackKnight I am truely sorry that I blatantly violated your rules. This will not ever happen again.
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Wow you have really expressed yourself here,just you keep your head up high and may God smile on you...God Bless..Hazel
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thank you so much for your coments. I will keep my head up high but sometime I get a little lost along te way. Thanks for reading
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I love this amazing write man!! i just admire it soo much, the sadness and emotional parts are captivating so much.. and on the whole this is an axcellent write along good imagery and nonstop constant flow! i loved the way u lighted the dark parts and expressed it, amazing one!! these lines strike me
My soul is too weak and too tired to fight,
Too depressed and sad to sleep at night.
My thoughts are scattered all over the place
And I can’t find a smile to wear on my face.
Great job!
Mansoor -
This is excellent quality poetry,
There HAS to be more comments on this because it is very much deserved.
Only thing is ... in the second stanza, the first three 'to's have to be 'too'
But I liked your ending, its effective.
Keep it up
NeveR ♥
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Thank you so very much for your comments. I don't know what else to say. To hear from someone that write like you that you think This is excellent quality poetry, it is an honor to have you read my poetry. Thanks Kooleyes
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ABSOLUTLEY THE BEST!!!!
it's exactly how i feel , except i can't find the words to say.. you did a wonderful job at it and even added a rhyme
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Thanks. I've been feeling a little down lately so i thought i would write about it. Once again thanks for reading
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