A beautiful musical room consumed of love reminiscent
in that the beat of your heart was that of the beat of mine
Comparing to the drip of a sunray in that its silent
holds its detained feelings in distorted still beauty
Shy the lips when in the appearance of all the memories
I prepared the lines when my heart was fulfilled of dreams
When I said, “I loved you” it was to refresh the melody
every day with you
When I kissed you it was to change and create some lines
so love could continue in its coming of life gifts
I wanted to so much make a frame of melody with your heart
continuing the song you sang with power and beauty
trance in the smoothness when your notes gathered my notes
hearing the violin of our love speaking
in your ears when together we gazed
your touch was that of a sound of a hidden harp somewhere
and your kiss was to the sound of a tambourine
I wanted to so much make a melody with you
Composed with the whole being of your wondrousness
Everyday trying to keep focus on all the details and feelings
but the day came when you threw it away
how I wanted to continue the beautiful melody
but somehow our love couldn't finish it
In a list
A contest entry
- Hopelessly In Love by BAMFNx3.
500 points, ended March 20, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options For Everyone!!!! And yes that includes you! by joleahe.
300 points, ended October 29, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Can't sing? Can write? Enter your songs here! by upperworld06.
700 points, ended March 23, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
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wow- but somehow our love couldn't finish it. nice ending, kinda hits you and leaves you feeling..idk, sad? no, that's not it, idk what it is. great song though, saw it as kind of slow. thanks for entering, let me know if i got it right = P
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i really like this song, it tells such a sad story, i really like the references to music in this, it really works for the piece, best of luck in the contest
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Wow
This is good my dear and quite well written. Impressive imagry here too. I like it. A period here and there would probably help with some pucuation, but this poem is very good. It's a fantastic write! -
"I wanted to so much make a melody with you
Composed with the whole being of your wondrousness"
I love that line, and I like how you say that you couldn't finish the song. What a good metaphore. Good job! -
its a lovely
poem...though it expresses the heart with a song...truly feel much could be said for the beauty felt and desire make music to a lover who stirs deep the emotions felt...melodical...play the strings of my heart...and i will hum to the melody while i dance with you... -
As always the drift through love's memory whether it is through metaphor or emotion is one that has made the world of poetry rich with poems. Thank you for sharing your poem with the contest.
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"When I said, “I loved you” it was to refresh the melody "
"violin of our love speaking "
"I wanted to so much make a melody with you" - so meaningful is the harmony suggested by these words
I like this lines.
Hmm...last 2 lines "I wanted to continue (listening) the ..." and"....couldn't finish (its rendition)" thought would be better
Yours in mine, mine in yours. Love filling love, we shared. Very lovely an expression of love. I feel the warm of falling in love, albeit drenched by the heartbreak at the end.
Beautiful
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"A Melody With You" a great title to a great poem!! I really like this! Great job Thank you so much for entering! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!!
-Steve- -
I love your line "I wanted to so much make a frame of melody with your heart..." Please add which of my favorites and which poem of theirs you read for this inspiration. Thanks for this romantic entry.
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VERY GOOD!
The first time I read through it, there seemed to be something missing. Some punctuation, or a word here or there... just... something.
But now that I have re-read it a couple more times, I believe I have grasped the free verse quality of it, the raw emotion, and as others have mentioned below, the lyrical, yet "unfinished" quality.
Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but my perception is of intentional "stops and starts"... that is, a thought/line that starts and flows very well for a while before coming to an almost jarring intersection with a slightly different thought/line... to give the reader an almost vertiginous or disoriented feeling. And sort of like listening to the orchestra "tune up" and hearing a few familiar phrases.
All in all, it touched me, and as all pieces that touch me do... I'm sure it has challenged me. My subconscious will work it out while I'm asleep, no doubt.
Write On!
jIM
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This is really good. You did a great job describing it. Keep up the good work.
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I remember so well
These words rang a chord of remembrance of a lost love.
I wanted to continue, but time and circumstance prevented it. The unfinished symphony........
Patty
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what a wonderful read. you expressed yourself so beautifully! a wonderful melody was written beneath these words and your flow was pefectly done.
A great piece!
s -
Can So Relate
I loved this. I can't say how many times I've felt like this, wanting to continue feeling what's in your heart when your life just walked away from you. When beautiful notes turn sour, our hearts hurt even more. I just love all that was pictured here. Poet, keep penning. Hugs~ Cuddles -
what a great melody that flows poetically on the page. when i read this poem, it's like a song from your heart that genuinely expresses how you feel about someone you love. what a beautiful piece.
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A WONDERFUL POEM
i enjoyed reading it very much, makes me feel like writing my own symphony -
Interesting title I would be reading this later, for now I am bookmarking it for my collection
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Aww Beautiful!!!
:]
♥--T.R;
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So far this is the most beautiful thing my eyes have fell upon ever since I was reffered to this allpoetry site. This is so serene like sitting on a wonderful afternoon by the lake watching the sunsets falling asleep or being at the beach with your loving one. Following his or her footprints, engraving each other's name in the sand, and watching the moon cast away our spells. I love this piece so so very much. So tender and beautiful.
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Toying with love to show how creative we are is not the best thing. Live what we preach. Let's not build upon beautiful words. A beautiful house without a solid base can easily be brought down. I could almost feel your Christianity here, too bad, action speaks louder than words. Deuces up, peace
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are you me okay then baby you don't how i felt when i wrote it
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its really wonderful! you found an awesome way of expressing yourself and it was really enjoyable to read. Thx for asking me to read it
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good idea!!
explaining love as music. what a great idea.
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this is wonderful you have a nice way of expressing your self. I enjoyed every line
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very well written yet sad in ending. still i enjoyed reading. thank you for sharing. keep writing! God bless you always
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NICE
Being married to a musician, I can say this is precious. Very deep and emotional indeed. Awesome imagery and vocabulary. I love it!!!!!!!!
POETDONTKNOWIT
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Well, of COURSE I LOVED it!
Like... look at my name and you can see that a poem with Melody in it is so cool
and fine 
and makes me happy 
and so here is a hug for writing such a beautiful poem. 
It is really lovely and although sad at the end, it is very satisfying. 
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very romantic
yet very sad
beautifully written -
I like your imagery it made it an excellent write. The ending a little sad. All love does not end in a song. Very creative and easy to relate to. It better to have love then not love at all. Very lovely I like the twist in the end. Very well done
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i loved it
i loved it
i loved it
may i say more...=P
great wright thanks 4 intering..xoxox
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Nice message
But it could use work on both tense and prepositions.
e.g. last line,second last word-should be 'finish'
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Really Melodic
You did a very good job of this. I like the pattern and flow and think you have indeed created a piece of music in your words. Just one small thing......
but somehow our love couldn't finished it...I think you meant finish...not finished
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Awe Inspiring
I Loved It All. Very Well Written. Great.
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...because it IS really good.
Beautifully written; I'm slightly jealous.
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Very creative write
It would be awesome to have music to these amazing write. I enjoyed it very much dear. (Lisa) I love this stance very beautiful.
"Comparing to the drip of a sunray in that its silent
holds its detained feelings in distorted still beauty
Shy the lips when in the appearance of all the memories
I prepared the lines when my heart was fulfilled of dreams
When I said, “I loved you” it was to refresh the melody
every day with you"
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Really good, keep up the good work
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Very good
I wanted to so much make a melody with you
Composed with the whole being of your wondrousness
Everyday trying to keep focus on all the details and feelings
but the day came when you threw it away
how I wanted to continue the beautiful melody
but somehow our love couldn't finished it
The verse is very lovely
I wish there was a happer ending to this
All very well done
Rick
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Beautiful
Truly a beautiful write and as the mind dreams the body does take on a glow of the seesnce for all can see the woman in love
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There is a sadness that drips from this poem...like someone made a promise they could not manage to keep. I feel the want, desire, intensity of need... This is a well written work of poetry. I would tweak it a bit and remove some repetition, and filler words like "the", "it"...Other than that dear lady, this work looks really good. I imagine it is straight from the heart. Good luck with the contest.
April
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