Lying awake,
troubled by the image:
Standing there
in the rain,
your hair wet
a teardrop pregnant,
in your eyes,
your clothes
clinging to your form...
I could say
you were the summer
and be content
but if I could look inside
and see the raging storm
the thunder and the light
the wonder and the pain
I would not be so brave.
You might be
a holy thief,
a priestess,
a wish unsatisfied,
a word
I do not know
and yet,
I have to try.
Author notes
12/25/96
Written August 22nd, 2003
In a list
What did you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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A little bathos here ...
perhaps it is always such when the word pregnant is linked with tears?
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I don't know...
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I really enjoy the simplicity of the style of this piece, as the depth of the thoughts as well. They are stated so honestly that they captivate the reader. Strong and beautifully crafted
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Great poem. I really enjoyed your use of details and imagery. You put a lot of youself it to this poem. Very emotional and powerful. Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful poem with all of us here at AP. Good luck in the contest. ttyl Tali
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Doesn't do the same for me, but that probably has more to do with my sex than anything else. It does create a certain image in one's imagination, a vivid image to be sure, and that's always a good thing in poetry. The only thing I would knock is that the poem seems somewhat contrived; contrived in the sense it seems more a product of one's imagination than an actual experience. Having said that, most poetry is a combination of the two, that is, experience and imagination. The poem doesn't evoke the same feelings as demonstrated in many of the comments above, so my eye tends to be critical and less dissuaded to the premise. But that's just me. Good write, Lute.
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anticipation...wow.,...i really like it..suspenseful..and a clear ending..wonderful work..intersting piece with beatiful discriptions
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I liked the evocative imagery in this poem...stumbled with "your hair wet
a teardrop pregnant,
in your eyes" though! Is it my poetic intelligence deficiency that couldn't get it, I wonder?
Would you mind checking "Ink Burns" written much in similar vein...
Applause!
D
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Captivating
Captivating words, such an awesome write. I'm speechless! -
Fantastic - written without becoming verbose and saying so much - there seems to be far more here than meets the eye - I so enjoyed reading this and the stanza which begins: "You might be..." is simply the best - good one.
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Superb
The title is a big question and the poem does ample justice to the sample provided over here and a magnificent array of thoughts at that randomly assembled to give a strategic emphasis to the whole masterpiece--Shubs -
yeah i remember this .. you. sending it around to all the girls .. sigh. going through my bookmarks .. cleaning up some of the shelves ..
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excellent
I know. I know. You gave me this link a few hours ago but at the time I was doing some OP work and couldn't stop. Sorry.
a lovely piece btw.....ya know things are seldom as they seem, or in this case what appears on the outside so yes, take a look inside, that is where the heart is, the soul, the spirit. Could be much more than meets the eye.
Oh yea this is a beauty, Lutie. Anything less would be....unacceptable.
Desiree
Edited on Mar 16, 3:45 because ''. -
did you just make my heart explode? or did your poor wizard typing fingers make a grave error? is this a grape flavored poem?
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what is this disgusting colour that you have printed out your lovely poem upon. its like dog poo.you are such a romantic and you love complicated people and dog poo colours. is it about santa? or a puppy because a lot of people get puppies at christmas whci i notice is when you wrote this from your authors comments and that would explain why you used dog poo colour so that it all links in. very clever.
its a beautiful poem lute is clever... -
Yah. Work. Serious. Breath sucked in upon opening..you. Stuck by the pen of voodoo once again. A wish unsatisfied...yikes. How many applications did you get?
Hi, my name is Lisa.... -
You do realize that your words are the romantic dream of every girl in the world? I sit, I sigh, I ponder. So full of love and so afraid, my sweet Lute. You hand out a part of yourself and give me solace. Thank you for yet another beauty.
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your words have the power to move the coldest heart
this is one of the most beautiful
and most honest
romantic poems i have read on this site
am bookmarking and will be back to read more -
aw such beatiful words....gracefully flow and captivate the reader.
great job
Sam
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Gorgeous, i can in fact see this person before me now when i read you. excellent...
thank you
Sarah
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your choice of words give such an impact for the reader to feel and visualize......just a punch of emotion to grab us by and pull us into the write....ty for sharing i really enjoyed reading.
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The poet is a mystery, his poems are
the raging storm
the thunder and the light
the wonder and the pain
The concept of 'being brave' is complex,
is that why:
and yet,
I have to try...?
(superb)
Thanks, Maria
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wow
Beautiful and that ending caps it off perfectly. Oh so so beautiful! I love your expression and compassion! Those two last verses are the ultimate! You need not fret dear Lute, thank you for your comments and concern.
Keep Feelin' Fascination,
~Tiffany~ -
some really good images here! ~~~ Val
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Inspiring
How beautifully you explore the inner dialogue of one faced with the possibilities of new love. Bravo. I am glad that in the face of fear you conclude with "and yet I have to try." -
Oh my, no wonder you were impatient for me to look... grinzzzz
The outer calm the inner rage, the passion, the torment, the love the pain..need I go on...You eloquently mash an array of emotions for your hungry readers. -
i like the beautifully unsettled nature of this
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The thrill (terror?) of love...taking the risk, extending one's heart into the care (peril?) of another's hands. This is brilliant. The simplicity of your word choice makes it all the more powerful. Your gift for imagery and drawing the reader in is apparent. Lovely! ~TM
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oh I love this
a teardrop pregnant,
in your eyes,
**love these lines
I could say
you were the summer
and be content
but if I could look inside
and see the raging storm
the thunder and the light
the wonder and the pain
I would not be so brave.
**love how you expose your own weakness in either accepting a falsehood or forfeiting your bravery.
it's all so perfectly worded - leaves me breathless.
~Scarlet
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This poem is great!Very romantic..
You write very beautiful lovely and very fine poems..please write more I am sure everyone hear enjoys them very much
With Love,
MeLanie DaViS (Sexy-Lil-Punk)
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This poem is exquisite and I don't say that lightly. The form is wonderfully done, it's tight, it flows well. Beautifully succinct. It moved me beautiful write and a joy to read.
Red -
I really like this poem alot, It was very beautifully written. Great job.
-Carina- -
One of the best romantic poems I've ever read in this website, has too much and great imagery, those two lines seems like imagery of the too much feelings that she feels, that's why she has so many tears:
"a teardrop pregnant,
in your eyes"
Thanks for sharing this amazing piece. -
my favorite
just lovely, lovely lovely lovely
ever read a poem and you just had so much to say about it, but the words get all jumbled..... ?
hows 'electric'.... this poem was electric
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