Time drops slowly
in the strange shape of pain
during the day, during the night...
I wait for you,
my eyes closed, I sigh...
I can see your smile,
I can hear your voice
clasping like a bird's wings.
Somewhere deep inside my body
the sound of cracking branches,
the whisper of leaves,
the dance of silky petals
and butterfly antennae
play within my entrails.
And the sun hides its face,
sharing my feelings,
covering the sky with a hue of orange and grey
before the night starts to cry stars.
In a list
A contest entry
- What is your emptiness? by tara wilson.
900 points, ended July 13, 2007, 22 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I would have put "to cry stars" as the last line. It would sort of have a natural pause and a dramatic effect at the ending.
This was excellent. Well balanced metaphor/images with emotion. Not many can do that; it's either too metaphorical or too emotional...however you can balance it well. Nice job. : -
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Maybe you are right, I will think about your suggestion related to the last line. I am glad that you like it.
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congratulations!
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Thank you dear Zayra.
~Sonja~
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"Somewhere deep inside my body
the sound of cracking branches,
the whisper of leaves,
the dance of silky petals"
Ahhh, this is lovely, my Friend. Great imagery, Sonja. Congrats on winning the bronze, Lady. 
Wanda
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Dear Wanda, your visit and applauses to my site makes me to smile. Recently it is not easy to win contest because of a many great poets and poems.
~Sonja~
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this poem reaches deeply for expression and the imagery is dramatic, images that will linger for the intensity; so very well done...PK
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Thank you very much Peteskid for your visit and comment about my poetry and especialy for applause.
~Sonja~
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How beautiful this is. Lovely. Good luck in the contest.
~Lyrical
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"I can hear your voice
clasping like a bird's wings." Sigh...
"Somewhere deep inside my body
the sound of cracking branches,
the whisper of leaves,
the dance of silky petals
and butterfly antennae
play within my entrails."
Now this is beautiful emptiness
Thank you so much for your entry
Imagine life without the sun and the night without stars...indeed an emptiness...
as missing your loved one would be
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Your words are beautiful, but tore a hole in my heart. Your first stanza describes the situation, and then the description of the feelings associated are so detailed I could feel it myself. Well done, best luck!
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This is a beautiful poem. I remember when I used to feel this way about someone, but life has a way of shifting emotions over time, then when confronted with complete despair that never ends or the full acceptance of things as they are...well, then there are no more tears and the emptiness becomes part of my life as much as the light or fullness ever was. Thank you for sharing this gorgeous poem. Good luck in the contest.
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"and butterfly antennae
play within my entrails"
That is such a beautiful image...I can feel the flutters and the stirrings. A lovely poem of longing this is...crying in stars.
~ Nicolette
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SO SOFT AND LOVELY!!!
I just love a sunset and you have described it so beautifully,and to spend one with your loved one is just wonderful.
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