I have been here before
outlined in watermark stain
in the mildewed cardboard folds
of shoreline aspired in the distance.
Our anchor moored in quiescent time
fog inspirited misty gray memories
aphonic stranger inspirer to song
this place cries your lonely silence.
It was your desperation's plea
your weeping water-stained images
lonely tears of stagnant longing
mapping visions of stillness, lost.
Looking into your eyes of dreams
to the silent singing of still waters
caressing the smoothness of your cheek,
I know the love your heart longs to sing.
Secular limitations environs our hearts
life's imprisoning tenure of uncertainty
let not death keep our love from living
for you're the love incessant in my life.
Look around you at this motionless drear
for it is within this solemn water's edge
that our hearts will know true beauty
and our love will breathe life into obtuse.
Our kiss awakens premonition's tacit promise
bodies unsheathed stir a caressing breeze
breath taking whispers inspiring spiritual song
and sliding into the depths of our love
I hear a fish jump.
Our bodies entwined in sultry slumbering as
water's rippling rings reach distant shores.
The sun turns overcast gray into living colors
and in my heart I hear joyous tittle.
Your smile warms my soul like no other
you softly, like an angel, begin to sing.
I see two robins, together, flying freely into the sun.
I have this overwhelming need to hold you.
As a mortal, I embrace you in my arms
in my heart I wrap your heart with love.
And should our souls find eternity,
there is no one I'd rather spend forever with
than you.
Author notes
roaddog wolf- Dave
About ten or twelve years ago I did alot of drawing and I would open old record albums and use the smooth white cardboard inside to draw on. I opened one up one time and it had gotten wet along the seem and when unfolded the cardboard was mildewed along the fold and it looked like a lake and shoreline. After penciling in the details it came out very nicely as a lake shore. When I wrote this poem the prompt was the photo with the poem, "Boat of Odem". The shoreline behind the boat in the photo looked very much like the one I drew a decade earlier.
1st stanza I had the strangest sense that the spirit of the shoreline in mention had been trapped on the lake.
the first stanza is the 'outline' of the shoreline in
the distance(of time and the lake).
The second stanza is the silent crying of the aphonic strangers(voiceless) aspirer to to his loneliness in his silence alone since the drawing to the point of finding the shoreline in poetry again.where as the stanza begins is the quie.scent time until the mooring of poetry in the photo
The third stanza realizes the stranger is lost love, recognized in weeping water stained images of a lady with me at the time of the drawing, but it is love not a face of her
stanza 4 silent singing of still waters looking into her eyes of dreams again it is love but I am giving my dream a persona by caressing her cheek along the solemn edge of the motionless drear(the shoreline of memories of loves dream which often in harmony i thought more so in physical reality)
5th the secular visions of uncertainty(loves obscurity)
but it is love incessant to life it escaping death in its dream state
6th it is the waters edge(shoreline of memories thay love will find the breath od loves life breathing life into obtuse
7th stanza a kiss awakens (tacit) unspoken promise bodies unsheathed ( the bare image of love and the premonitions of spiritual song(from the voiceless entity- love)"I hear a fish jump" reality the rippling waters awakening.
8th and 9th are the awakening of a dream, bodies entwined rippling rings reach distant shore the sun shines, joyous tittle birds fly the overwhelming need to hold that love in mortal embrace after she begins ro sing.
Last stanza is the mortal embrace of the lover of loves dream in reality to hold and wrap in the heart the value of love and with that love is two souls and in that spirit of love the souls should they find eternity
it is that love in that loving bond that is spiritual and cannot be faked rhat I long to spend eternity with.
WOW! I suppose there are further details but thats the concept of this poem
Quote "Grammy Awards for Winners participent"
* A love so real
GOLD
Prewrite
Theme: picture prompt Boat of Odem
In a list
- Silver trophies • next in list
- Love • next in list
- Gold Trophies • next in list
- Favorite Writes of Mine • next in list
- Bronze trophies • next in list
- Extreme Excellence • next in list
A contest entry
- Picture Inspired by Cannonsfire.
4500 points, ended July 20, 2007, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Metaphorical Dark Love ♥ by parasol.
1650 points, ended July 30, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - There Lingers A Poet by brentsrich.
1800 points, ended August 13, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~*~ Double Your Gold ~*~ by Asfand.
450 points, ended August 14, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Really Bored...So Write!! ♥ by xCandieKissesx.
425 points, ended August 21, 2007, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Raven Contest: Uncovering Genius in the Written Word by Raven Contest.
14500 points, ended October 1, 2007, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BLOW MY MIND UP by Swan song.
1000 points, ended August 26, 2007, 20 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems That Have Won 5 Trophys Or More- Any Color by Mercury Rising.
450 points, ended October 7, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - JUST MAKE ME SAY "WOW!" by Amy Meneses.
800 points, ended November 14, 2007, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites mania!! by Xx Luna xX.
550 points, ended January 7, 2008, 26 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - "GOLD" "SILVER" "BRONZE" by wingsofgold25.
1000 points, ended April 23, 2008, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Calling All Hopeless Romantics. by Poetryintheblood.
450 points, ended April 17, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enlighten Me by redmarkonthewall.
770 points, ended May 31, 2008, 11 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make me want to fall in love by Spiritual Soul.
1200 points, ended June 11, 2008, 22 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Don't You, Forget About Me by Poetic Obscenity.
550 points, ended August 6, 2008, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best prewrites by dory.
500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITTEN POEMS!!!!! by kavi22.
450 points, ended August 5, 2008, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your favorite Prewrite by SignifyingNothing.
875 points, ended August 9, 2008, 112 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Gold Anyone? by Cat10.
650 points, ended September 4, 2008, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me ur best!! by ProudMomma.
526 points, ended October 17, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your absolute BEST! (1,009 points, winner takes all) by AutumnsFlame.
1858 points, ended December 5, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The best you got! by izzy1804.
725 points, ended September 7, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Aww great imagery! I loved this one...well done & good luck.
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Amazing! You captured me and took me into that picture, and led me through your story eloquently.
Beautiful.
Keep writing.
-LeFa -
Though I am not much into freeverse, I thought your imagery in this was absolutely beautiful, which to me is what makes freeverse good. The seventh and last stanza didn't really follow the structure of the rest of the poem and kind of seemed awkward at first, but when I read it again, it flowed well. Thank you for entering my contest!
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VERY LONG WRITE GOOD THOUGH
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Stunning, while reading this piece, I feel I am almost in a trance or dreaming. Well done.
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Wow this was SO beautiful
and brilliantly penned.
Great metaphors & in-depth descriptions.
Congrats on all the trophies awarded;
very well deserved of.
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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i don't know how things work here yet, but wanted to tell you 'Watermark Dreams' is a STUNNING piece of work! BRAVO!
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Thank you for your
kind words, it is certainly one of my favorites, I only wish I was able to consistently write all my poems as well. It has been a fortunate means by which I can appreciate having written a good poem. It's not often we can feel something we have written is good in our own eyes. I am glad you enjoyed .
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What a beautiful write, a great entry for this contest. A perfectly penned write with great flow and good imagery. Thank you for the entry. Keep the pen flowing...the pleasure was all mine.
Nevadapoet -
Beautiful
This poem is so beautiful... it caused my breth to shorten .. i hope to apire to crate a scene so beautiful and captivating... i love this pome... so many parts of it were so loveable..
"lonely tears of stagnant longing
mapping visions of stillness, lost."
god i love this poem... it is the ocean and for me the sirens of the odasey...
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Congrats on the trophys!
The setting your words have painted is nothing short of stunning. Your detailed imagery is a delight to read. An outstanding piece of poetry
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Thank you for your
kind review, I am pleased that you enjoyed the read, kind of a special write for me , one of my personal favorites
thank you
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Phenomenal!
To say that this poem is phenomenal is a gross understatement, it is far more than that and more on top!
I love the poetic graphics and the lovely pure tender and loving sentiments too, this was written from the depth of your soul and heart, for sure.
No wonder this poetic masterpiece has won so many trophies, and they should have all been gold and platinum if they were available too.
I adore the bits that go:
"Secular limitations environs our hearts
life's imprisoning tenure of uncertainty
let not death keep our love from living
for you're the love incessant in my life"
and these:
Our bodies entwined in sultry slumbering as
water's rippling rings reach distant shores.
The sun turns overcast gray into living colors
and in my heart I hear joyous tittle.
Your smile warms my soul like no other
you softly, like an angel, begin to sing.
I see two robins, together, flying freely into the sun.
I have this overwhelming need to hold you.
As a mortal, I embrace you in my arms
in my heart I wrap your heart with love.
And should our souls find eternity,
there is no one I'd rather spend forever with
than you.
Just breathakingly beautiful and manna to the soul and heart, wow what amazing words and expressions and a truly enchanting and heart warming read.
You are Poet Laureate standard, hope these are in print, they sure should be.
Fabulous poetic perfection and very well done, love it, write on you rock! Bravo!
Poetic Hugs,
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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Thank you for your
very kind and generous comments and extensive critique. I t is nice to have someone take time to comment in length let alone say such nice things. Truly is one of my favorite this one and "Nearly forty years Ago/ Viet- Nam" and a couple others heart felt that are older writes, originally grammatical disasters back then but written from within, Watermark Dreams was the first write I ever wrote that I felt really good about it, mechanically and feelings wise.
Thanks for your wonderful review
David
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Stunning piece. I have never seen a poem that netted so many trophies, but then again, I have not seen to many poems written like this one. Great write!!
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WOW
This is crazy good! Wow! You are an excellent writer - I was blown away..totally..
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wow. I am impressed. this is just simply...WOW. I loved your structure and thank you so much for the author's notes- it helped loads.
I loved this so much.
&&
good lucks to you from all of us!!
thank you for entering
-checkmate♥
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I loved how organic this piece was. The serenity it gives off when read is wonderful. You clearly are a talented writer. You paint a lovely picture.
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This is beautiful and masterfully written. I love how you used alliteration throughout, and the images just leap out at you. I especially love the opening lines. I absolutely love:
Our bodies entwined in sultry slumbering as
water's rippling rings reach distant shores.
The sun turns overcast gray into living colors
and in my heart I hear joyous tittle.
Very well done. -
Imagery
Is grade a in this piece. You've got such flow and the concept it to die for. Obviously you know this is an amazing piece with 125 comments. lol.
Thank you for your entry and good luck. -
Wow, thats a truck load of contests!!
The title of the poem was so beautiful! I really loved the imagery used in the first stanza.
"I have been here before
outlined in watermark stain
in the mildewed cardboard folds
of shoreline aspired in the distance."
I love it when a poem starts with a reminiscence, it has a very pensive pull to it. Amazingly endearing...
Anansey
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Reading this poem guides my unconsciousness along deep into my own memories, of love lost and reconciled. It is so very beautiful!This poem by far is the only one that has truly touched my heart, this poem paints a moment of peace in a world of cruelty and chaos-it is something that deserves silence and something to always remember!
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This cast me into a dream world from the very beginning, with such vivid imagery of the the water and your love, I am at a loss for words-it is beautiful, beyond description. I am in awe and graciouse of your heart to share this beauty and talent. God bless! This is amazing, a masterpeice of modern day!
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BREATH TAKING
I find myself lost for words...there is a sence of magic and deep beauty flowing from your pen. A love so pure and innocent.A sensuous play on nature and love with just the touch of a tender passion
Thank you so much for sharing your master piece with me
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A few quick editorial comments:
- line 10. "water-stained" should be hyphenated
- line 22. "water's" need an apostrophe
- line 25. "premonition's" also needs an apostrophe
- line 31. ditto on "water's"
Lines 37 and 40-42 were my favorites in the entire piece.
When I was reading this, I got the impression that you were required to use some sort of word bank...don't see anything about it in the AN. I think that you underrate simplicity. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy vocabulary as much as (maybe more than) the next person, but I think that you tried to be a bit too artistic with the piece and in the end, that took away from it for me.
That said, you have some beautiful writing and some beautiful images. This is a personal preference, so you can take it with a grain of salt, but try to let the poem speak more for itself.
Thank you for entering and sharing with everyone -
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Thank you
for your detailed critique and the time you put into conveying your thoughts and information. I just have a heck of a time with Punctuation, I have been putting allot of effort into comprehending it's proper use. Seems to come so easy for some people and I can rack my brain studying it and still find myself with that gray area of uncertainties.
I appreciate your help Thanks again
Best Regards,
David -
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My mom's an English teacher...so I've had punctuation (and then some) pounded into me from a very young age.
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This is breathtakingly beautiful and the sentiment is so real. I can see why it won so many contests.
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awww this is very beautiful...with sadness, love and some misplaced hope in all the right ways...great use of metaphors too.
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Reading this poem was like being in a really great dream, and since I almost never dream, those only come one a year. Your poem seems to emit peace.
Its breathtaking...thanks for entering -
congrats on the trophies ...you deserve it ...the powerful expressions take us beyond ....
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wow so many trophies won for this, and I cans ee why, this is so breathtakingly beautiful. It's so soft and melodic, with so much tender love. Amazing job this wa beautiful. Thanks for this wonderful entry.
Blessings,
~Michaela~ -
A lot of trophies are pinned to this amazing piece. I like that there is a bit of uncoincidental linkage between the drawing you made and the photo. You gave me a lengthy explanation for this piece. Thank you for doing that, unlike some people. You truly wish to win a spot. Good luck.
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Great work. The poems speaks so much. Ii really enjoyed it. I also like that you went into detail about each stanza and wat your iinspirations were. Great work
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Stunning piece you have here! thank you for entering my contest. all the best
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wow great imagery in this peice!
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Thank you for your beautiful entry, good luck, Josie
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You certainly do have a vivid imagery.
Thanks for your entry Good Luck in yhe contest. -
Most certainly a piece of art!!!
Lovely~
Az
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This was truly incredible...
The imagery here was second to none, transporting me directly to a place that I have never been before. Your pen is certainly charged with both talent and passion. Bravo!
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oh wow. I loved this!! Ido admit that the prompt is a good one, and I especially love what you did with it. this truly touched me.
Thank you for entering!
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Thank you for sharing your favorite with me, best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
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BREATH TAKING
I am drawn like a magnet!
The beauty of this write, the setting, paints my mind in brilliance.
Julie
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Very nice.... this was well written and I enjoyed reading it throughly. This was my favourite stanza:
Our anchor moored in quiescent time
fog inspirited misty gray memories
aphonic stranger inspirer to song
this place cries your lonely silence.
Great work. Thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck,
~Lumin -
very beautiful indeed. Beautiful picture, it really fits well.
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Beautiful
Beautiful poem! I loved the imagery in here. Thank you for entering my contest. The whole thing was just so stinkin good, but my favorite part was:
It was your desperation's plea
your weeping water stained images
lonely tears of stagnant longing
mapping visions of stillness, lost.
That's just so rich and wonderful. Thank you for sharing this poem. -
This was a beautifully imaginative write, very well penned.The only thing that bugged me was the amount of contests u've entered it in, of which I usually hv a preconcieved notion that u hv only 1 gr8 write.Thanks for entering
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Impressive and astounding in the emotions it conveys.
I can certainly agree with all the recognition it
receives. Personally, I identify with much that is
written here as in Pagan spirituality, water represents the feminine and emotion. It also represents rebirth. Here you make strong reference
to these beliefs. Thank-you for sharing, Blue
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This is a true example that a poem doesn't have to rhyme to be great! Well done, you've impressed me
Thanks for entering
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a gorgeous, beautiful write! such heartfelt emotion throughout. amazing!
Blessings and Istomps
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This is such a great write Congratulations on all of those trophies that is impressive.
Thank you for taking the time
to enter this into my contest.
I wish you the best of luck.
RedwingSpirit
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Looking into your eyes of dreams
to the silent singing of still waters
caressing the smoothness of your cheek,
I know the love your heart longs to sing.
Wonderful. I am left speechless.
Thank you so much for entering and good luck! -
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I am glad you enjoyed the read
I am glad you enjoyed the read, Xx Scarlet dove xX Thank you fopr your kind words,
David
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No
This would probably score fairly well on my scoreboard, but I do agree with Jim. I felt this could have said just as much, and perhaps with even more impact, if trimed down a bit. Congrats on all of the trophies. I'm sorry this won't go any further in the POY, but you've absolutely got reason to be proud of this write.
Thanks so much for giving us the opportunity to read this, and best wishes in all your writing endeavors,
~J. -
Yes ~
This is a splendid entry ~
I would love to comment on this in depth, but I can not ~
The best to you in the POY contest,
Bear ~
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Yes~
Some interesting thoughts and images
good luck -
Choked Up
Where do I start...?!! I began thinking this was a beautiful, thoughtful piece, still as the waters you've depicted; it calmed my mind and took me to the place you were describing.
Yet as you went on, you included more emotion and entwined it with the imagery; you brought in just what God brought into nature to make it a more beautiful place - someone to appreciate it; a human. And what is more, two humans to love one another... I loved these lines:
'Our anchor moored in quiescent time
fog inspirited misty gray memories'
What beauty is immortalised in these lines, what a talent you have with words, how they sound like the gentle lapping of the water and sing like the stillness of the breeze..
The last verse truly won my heart, as I'm sure it did that of whomever this is written for! IT really brought a lump to my throat in fact!! 'As a mortal, I embrace you in my arms'
'And should our souls find eternity,
there is no one I'd rather spend forever with
than you.' how emotional, how simple and true. Really beautiful, keep up the good work.
God be with you xx
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Thank you for your
kind words and detail comment I appreciate it.
Staticgrace ....lol My last name is "Grace"
Thank you again
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This is simply beautiful.....It took my breath away. Your words flow like the waters you speak about. Great write.
~Oka/KC -
What a truly beautiful and absolutely gorgeous piece of poetry!
I truly LOVED this one!
Thank you so much for sharing this and for adding it to my contest! Bravo! -
This was just so elegant and sweet. I really liked the last 2 stanza's of it. You did a very nice job writing this piece. thanks for entering my contest.
~~Tori~~ -
Sorry for taking the space,but this poem deserves the gold, as is in treasures hold, that none can compare!Bravo,to the thoghts and words expressed, once again!
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Here we go again. Ah hemmmmmm "WOW!!!!" this was great. I loved that this read with subtitle alliteration that one wouldn't really notice yet it reads smooth and wonderful all the way through. One thing though, the stanza:
"Looking into your eyes of dreams
to the silent singing of still waters
caressing the smoothness of your cheek,
I know the love your heart longs to sing."
Seems a bit off from the rest of the poem. The language and intensity just isn't as powerful to me. You don't have to follow my opinion but every other line seemed to captivate me with amazing imagery and emotion yet that stanza seemed a bit bland. Perhaps just re-word it a bit? Regardless, great job here!
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I don't have to tell you it's wonderful so i won't. My favorite line is 'I feel the urge to hold you' after you see the two robins. I got butterflies in my stomach just reading this. After 11 years with my husband, I still get this feeling. You know maybe it takes that long to love someone that much. Was this for a new love or old. Anyway i think you're an amzing artist. Would even be interested in looking at some of your wood work if it's for sale. I'm right up the 74.
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I can see why this has won like a bazillion gold trophies: it's just that good... the images that you've painted here are some of the most beautiful that I've seen in poetry. Thank you, so much for sharing, and I wish you all the best :-)
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This is a truly amazing expression of thoughts. I was carried away by the images your words created in my mind.
Take care
Margaret
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wow wow wow
is all I can say.
Smile,
Judy
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WOW so many trophys on this wonderful poem, Congrats on all of them. This was a great write, you definately deserved all the wins. Keep up the wonderful writeing.
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you have the trophys and the comments to boast this wondefull poem.
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Congratulations on winning all those trophys. You surely deserved it with this remarkable poem. An extremely well-crafted and thoughtful poem full of original imagery and exquisite vocabulary and with an underlying somber sensitivity. Just a delight to read and ponder. Best of luck, and thanks for entering.
Mercury Rising
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Too often works like this one leave out reality for a sort of metaphysical view of the future that is at once endearing and impossible. I was delighted to find that you have avoided that poetic pitfall by keeping in touch with the world around you even as you discuss a feeling of "forever." An example of this would be when you write "I hear a fish jump." It is that you are so cognizant of the world around you that gives your words meaning, truth and sincerity. You're not just living a pipe dream.
Thank you for your entry.
~Das -
beautifully done!!!!!!!!!!!!
very lovely indeed !
wonderful images throughout each line....
vivid i must say......
wonderful!!!!!!!!
thank you for entering into my contest!!!!!!!!! -
Wow, what an absolutely adorable write, one I guess will be revisited for some time yet to come. Superb.
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Quite a collection of trophies you have here - liked the thoughts on how this came to be and the great verbiage in these lines. Some wonderful moments shared.
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Hi Dave
Well, it took a while but finally got around to reading this.
Beautiful poem with a lot of the virtues of a good solid poem.Imagery, decent vocabulary, and the telling "voice"
in the narrative were fantastic. So what if I had to go to the dictionary seven times!LOL
You keep on writing like this and I'll be able to say, "I knew him when!"LOL
Take care, Dave,
John
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hey John
thanks for the kind comments. don't feel bad about going to the dictionaryI wrote it and I still have to go to the dictionary on some of the words. lol I used a book that has become one of my favoritebooks on verbiage it's called the "English Vocabulary Builder" the copy I have was published in 1939sort of like a different version of the early thesaurus. thanks for your comments
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Wonderful
Roaddog Wolf,
Congratulations on all of your trophy wins, but more so, for captivating a tired man with such a wonderfully crafted piece I am impressed with your vocabulary and use of devices throughout, and yet, I loved the simple beauty in the conclusion. It is evident you have put an awful amount of work into your poem. I enjoyed reading it.
Drayton.
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Thank you for your kind comments
sorry I am so slow in responding but I do appreciate your comment. Yes I put considerable time into writing this poem, probably 10 to 12 hours, but it was significant, because not only has it done well it was the first poem I felt really strong about and confident in its quality which was my first indication that I am capable of writing good poetry, (just wish it happened more often and more consistantly. but I'm learning. thanks again for your comment
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I understood and was able to follow for awhile, then I lost track...What I read and understood I enjoyed...I may have to read your other works...thanks for sharing.
Mia
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Wow. this an amazing poem. only you could write something so beautiful with a confusing aura to it. I keep thinking it's suicide for love until the end. Now it makes me think of the undead. congratulations and good luck in the other poems.
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"Looking into your eyes of dreams
to the silent singing of still waters"
beautifully writen and these are my favourite lines, great imagery throughout this piece, but I adore the idea of still waters 'singing'
a great write and congrats on all the trophies for it!
E.L XX -
Thanks Mook!!!
Featured Spotlights
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Watermark Dreams by Roaddog Wolf
This poem will draw you inside its words and hold you to the end...a better poem you will not find for a long time.
suggested by dustookie2
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my fellow raven contest qualifier
this poem is so amazing. I wish you the best.
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Its A Great Write Amazing. Keep It Up
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this is an awesome inspiring piece of art work depicts the picture to the T, keep posting MM
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WOW
that's intense...but beautiful -
Very beautiful story poem
Indeed this write was masterfully writ as I imbibed every line of it.
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distance
silence
stagnant
stillness
smoothness
sing
incessant
caressing
is swollen with esses -
man, this is good!
what a beautiful piece all throughout this write I was nothing short of impressed!great job!
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Time has methodical appeal in the poem. Forever can be time well spent on love's kindness. Romance does not lack in this poem. You can't help but wanting to get cheesing when you read your poem. Funny. GREAT WRITE< PEN ON
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From reading the author’s comments about how this poem came to be, I feel it truly is picture inspired. When I read poetry I often wonder where the under lying inspiration came from and to know it wasn’t merely constructed as a means of gaining a trophy is quite refreshing. The explanation of this poem’s origin is novel to say the least and fairly impressive given that the picture drawn ten years ago reflects the one accompanying this work.
Moving on to the poem, the instant impact it had one me was to overwhelm me with a feeling of peace and stillness, a complete silence that would be rudely shattered should the slightest sound invade the scene. The line that struck me most in amongst this silence is “I hear a fish jump” simply because this tiny sound could disturb the moment as surely as if a thunderclap had exploded overhead.
The other emotion that seeps from this work is passion, not only in the expression used by the author to describe the scene and feelings, but from the author himself as if this poem is an expression of him, his soul. The vocabulary used is very pleasant, sympathetic to the creation and progression of the scene and yet unobtrusive, which all lends itself to an overall smooth flow for readers. I think what I like most here is how the complete bonding of scene and emotion paves the way to a strong conclusion, and that conclusion is an all encompassing love. I feel this poem is very worthy of the trophies it has already received and I hope it continues to be enjoyed for a long time to come.
Congratulations on reaching the final round of the Raven Contest 2007 and good luck with this entry.
Northern Raven
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Bravo! Standing in applause
Wow. This poem has done well in several contests, and rightly so. You grabbed the reader with your opening stanza. Absolutely perfect. There was no going back once in. Excellent.
Some really superb lines in this piece. Excellent presentation. Superb write. My hat's off to you on this one sir. Excellent. ~Pamela
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that was probably the first poem I ever really felt like it was good
I spent alot of hours working on it and when I finished (not in an egotistical sense) but just felt it was good.
There is very much a story behind that poem. I used to draw alot and would take old record album covers and open them up and draw on the smooth inside cardboard. I opened one that had got wet and it was like and ink spot well it looked like a lake and tree lined shore , the mildewed markings that is. I penciled in very little and it was a very nce art piece. The oicture for the prompt with the boat bow is in the forefront of the shoreline behind it and it looks almost identical to the one I drew in the milodew watermark stains 10 years ago. -
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I hope you still have your drawing safe somewhere in a frame. What a unique story. Very dear and one to cherish. Thank you for sharing that. It makes this piece of poetry all that much more interesting.
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well I can remember learning about poets and pieces that were written and trying to find the meaning in the words of a profiund piece . this would be one leaving a reader hard pressed to figure out the true meaning intended lol.
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aww this is a great piece. I like it very much. Thanks for entering and good luck in my contest.
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Exclent peice!! I really enjoyed reading tis and great luck in the contest!!!
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wow talk about a great love poem, you sure know how to paint the scene and mood with your wonderful words here my friend.
Riftkin -
Excellent
An excellent piece of writing which represents a beautiful picture. The picture itself it a true inspiration for the piece. I really liked this poem.
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