Rotors clacking, we lifted
into the Arizona air
and drifted--a metallic bubble--
above the spruce and pine.
Four of us, plus pilot and co-pilot,
strapped and head-phoned;
anticipation tensing our stomachs.
Within minutes--accompanied
by the theme from Star Wars--
we were soaring over the lip
of the Grand Canyon
and Nature, in all its primal glory,
displayed its stark and brutal power
below us. The random architecture
of mindless geology, over eons of slow time,
had carved cathedrals of stone,
fluted columns and granular battlements
from protean rock and shale.
Far beneath, the Colorado River snaked
its twisting course, a bright ribbon
glinting in the furnace of the sun.
Nobody in the helicopter spoke:
in the face of such grandeur,
what was there to say?
There are no adequate words
to describe the crucible of creation.
What sorcery had been unleashed here
in this prehistoric wilderness; whose
hand had gouged this monumental scar
in the world's vulnerable skin?
One could readily believe that giants
had stalked the earth in distant times
and that their bones were buried here.
I cannot speak for other passengers,
but I know that I was overwhelmed
by the sheer physicality
of the Canyon--its epic dimensions,
its enormous presence will haunt
my dreams forever. Although I am not
a religious man, the notion struck me
that God had left his calling-card,
his signature in our back-yard.
A contest entry
- Give me heart and soul, give me your poets blood by W B Burkholder.
600 points, ended September 21, 2007, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nature ~ A Beautiful View by Demington.
850 points, ended January 15, 2008, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Acheronian Green by lie.
900 points, ended April 28, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Images of Nature by apoeticinjustice.
900 points, ended February 7, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
I've flown over and into the canyon in a helicopter and was held speechless by the sights. A boat ride up the river through the canyon was just as beautiful as the look from above. An amazing place and your poem brought back some wonderful memories and images. Well done.
Rory
-
Yes...yes...
I have a much harder time judging free verse, but considering you rhymed at the end I have hope! Just kidding.
I really like the stark reality of this poem. You do a great job of bringning me into your experience and making an extra seat for me on that helicopter.
"a metallic bubble--
above the spruce and pine."
Seriously? That's just awesome.
Perhaps making an attempt to streamline this poem, whittling it down to really make full use of your wonderful powers of description, might take it to the next level. But who knows? It might already be there.
Blessings,
C -
Very good wqriting here, well described this event is, thank you for entering this
-
I'm going to try to keep from religious commentary, beyond noting that it's sad how so many people fail to appreciate nature unless there's a God to create it. Hey! I may have just found the subject for my next poem! Thanks! Anyways. A fantastic, and I mean fantastic bit of flow here. My only real critique is the line about "Star Wars". It adds a very human element, but it's anachronistic with the beautiful and poetic language you have throughout the rest of the piece. Other than that, it's awesome. The allusions to giants, the gouged scar, lovely.
-
Liked It!
The notion struck you correctly! Many people wonder if there is a god; but if they were not so blinded, they would see him everywhere: even in their own existence ¦:¬{
-
Very authentically beautiful! Oh how I love flying! I would love to be a pilot myself one day. I loved the imagery and use of descriptive words. Great job!
-
i have always felt this way about the canyon
its gods art work
beautiful
-
I love the image of a metallic bubble, but disliked how you put dashes around it --
"plus pilot and co-pilot" felt wordy. the ; there also felt a bit over-punctuated.
'... and Nature' - nice section. "displayed" -> I have a pet peeve with inanimate things doing the action verbs. Maybe Nature, she displayed, that way you personify her first, but still...
crucible of creation - it's creation, or our creation? Ours would be puddles of green goo, eh? It was also made quite late too, with the glaciers and stuff too, right?
I wished for more stanza separation.
Nice work, thanks -
Beautiful write here! Love the way that description makes this piece - you have the soul of a genuine writer. Wonderful to read - keep up the good work!
-
Can't think of a thing ......................
I would change in this piece. It is written with such intellect and truth. God has left his signature on all creation,or at least that is my belief. Your vivid imagery here carries your readers all the way through along with your impeccable choice of words. Sounds like you have had alot of traveling by the way you describe different areas in this piece!! Thanks for sharing!!!~~Toni~~
-
really liked these two lines the most....
'that God had left his calling-card,
his signature in our back-yard.'
thank you for the read and sharing with me as well... -
I really like the first stanza. From their it seems to get kind of watered down, like you're repeating yourself. I think it would improve the poem a lot to cut out all of the last stanza, aside from the last line ("Although I am not" and beyond). I think your poem would say the same thing, but more concisely, so that it doesn't drag. That's just a suggestion, of course. I thought the last line was nice.
-
I like the way you touched on the distant fantasy, but then wrapped it all by bringing it back to the truth of God's wonderful creative side. It flowed very nicely as well, and it never seemed like it was over the top. Very well done.
-
-
Thank you, traviswalser, for your favourable comments--I appreciate the responses (yours and others) that my poem has generated. I'm glad some of the sense of wonder I experienced at the Canyon came across--it was truly awe-inspiring!
Bill
-
-
Nothing was awkward Bad Bill, great imagery of this true wonder of an unseen hand,
-
I think this is awe-inspiring in its description of the wonder of nature. Sometimes the handiwork of God defies our beliefs of what our own sentiments are. Well done.
-
sounds good at first read
-
This struck me deeply, some of the imagery is quite phenoenal but I feel the whole is let down by awkward items, gash, seems inappropriate, in your face is unpoertic to say the least. But a grand job nevertheless.
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
