Metal upon your chest
ricocheting – riveting
Star Spangled Bullets
of thick victory
notebook of memoirs
cloaked in psychosis
silver rain falls on
cherry blossoms of
a torn soul
reality folds into itself
underneath a twitch
resurrected like a spear
in a flux of agony
enervated of all vigor,
fishing for salvation
mental capacity
diminishes as you
reach the zenith
of rapture
lilac scents linger
in your room of
darkness
time fades – memories stay
as heaven waits patiently~
Author notes
Title prompt: Star spangled bullets
Word bank:
1. psychosis
2. cherry
3. zenith
4. spear
5. fish
6. cloak
7. notebook
8. enervate
9. resurrect
10. flux
Bank words are bold printed.
A contest entry
- Another Chance to Test Your Poetic Fortitude by Minstrel Knight.
700 points, ended July 18, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
You have some wonderful imagery here, but it all seems a bit disjointed like there's little to connect it all aside from a common theme. You have an interesting way of wording things though. I think that this just needs a little more, something to connect all these images. Great job anyways, thanks for entering and good luck.
-
What a sad and so full of emotion write. I could feel this soldiers pain. Heart breaking! Wonderful imagery. Amazing
-
excellent..."notebooks of memoirs choked in psychosis"
"silver rain falls on cherry blossoms of torn soul"-brilliant becky...I also love the ending...and of course good use of the word bank...bravo!
-
neat, it felt like chanting orlike soldiers when they take in line.
i like the use of words in it, love it.
keep writing and having good ideas fleeting-hope
Adding your comment:
