Like needles piercing my heart, leading no where.
Having to requite another’s love not met for me.
Explosive is the anguished pain embedded within.
Like Musical Phantasmagoria of floating souls.
Waiting to be liberated from the tormented hells of death.
Grudge with a riot of violence threaded my heart.
Unrestrained and spreading uncontrollable rage.
Like aerial dimensions of betrayal of my loss.
Parallel to my existing of loving you.
Broken passion for you dissolved amongst the earth.
Leaving the emptiness of a long dusty road.
Where no Road Leads;
Author notes
Word bank;
needle, explosive, grudge, aerial, riot, parallel, requite, music, liberate, phantasmagoria.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
You've got a lot of nice images here that are expressed well and a pretty strong ending, but there's also a lot of awkwardness in your wording, like you weren't quite sure of what some of the words I gave you meant or you wrote a poem and then tried to insert the words I gave you into it. It just felt a little messy is all. I think it could be cleaned up into a very strong piece.
-
-
Thank you for your review greatly appreciated
(LISA)
-
-
nice very nice write. I like how its sincere and you went to the very depths of your soul to spill some lines of beauty a nice artwork of different imagery where i find it abstract
-
-
Thank you for those beautiful words but the truth is this as really hard for the word bank was very different. Thank you dear (LISA)
-
-
Wow
Great. I am going to go look up ( Phantasmagoria ) I know it has to be good.
Joe
-
-
Phantasmagoria: a noun; a sequence of real or imaginary images like that seen in a dream; of optical illusions.
Dear friend I to had to look it up. For the first part sounded like a Phantom like the movie. The words were really tuff but I think I did a ok job. Thanks you for your comments (LISA)
-
-
Good job, Lisa
Ah yes, those long dusty roads that lead nowhere, they are most often in our minds. I can even see the barricades at the end of them...
We try the roads to see where they lead, but they lead nowhere...nowhere.
There are no maps on the long road of life, and no "free"ways, we just go where we can. Sometimes, when can build roads of our own, that actually go somewhere. I think that is where the happiness is...
Sad, but lovely, Lisa,
Brazos
-
-
Yes sweetness we travel them so often. And yet they lead no where no where at all. Like a road that runs for miles and miles and you see nothing but desert and dust. As the heat upon the tar road bake every thing. But life goes on one day we will fine that road that comes to a happy ending. Love you (LISA)
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
