What a spit of beautiful ruin
Left bedraggled in the dumpsters of the old world
What a shame to be found in this mess
This city of halfhearted sin
Where the beautiful girls cry all the time
And the men on the corner smoke tobacco though blackened lips
Dirty from kissing all the chimneys
They have carved themselves out a few footprints
Behind the cheap video rentals and greasy diners
A place that will always be waiting for them
No matter how many alter-egos come a-calling
And all the wives taste like butter
And their homecooked meals are left on the stovetop
Rejected for the neon signs of promise and ruin
Any picture taken is left in black and white
The faces here are too empty to ever be profound
The veterans and the babies look the same
Some of the hopeful newcomers might call it a cycle
The natives sitting outside Dave's laugh
This little inkspot never meant much
To anybody that wasn't born here
Tourists drive through quickly
After spotting the tattoos and bitter tea lining the sidewalks
Every once in a while some Samaritan comes in
Hoping to turn the place around again
But they never last long
They always hear the song of hopelessness echoing in the streets
And the head off to a more optimistic slum
Where their money will buy happiness instead of a dirty mug of bad beer
Half the women here haven't bled in over a year
But they still find ways to satisfy
And after the darkness creeps into your bloodstream
After the perpetual foggy weather closes in around you
You find yourself embedded in a darkened cesspool
Of nameless places and messed-up faces
And you forget why you ever wanted to leave
A contest entry
- Title Me This ♥ by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended July 25, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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really descriptive.Like i was there.you can feel the dirt.nice one
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this write was innncredible.
seriously. I could see every little thing that you described, and even in your most basic descriptions, the contempt for that life oozed from every word. I had a ton of favorite lines, but I'm not going to be annoying as hell and copy ALL of them.
I do have ONE suggestion, though (take it or leave it, it's your write!)... I think this piece would benefit from a bit of formatting... Maybe breaking it up a bit into separate stanzas, or dividing the longer lines so it flows a bit more steadily? Just a thought.
Either way, this was wonderfully enjoyable to read. Well done! -
another great write. this totally drew me in bam. You had many killer lines in this but I would like to dedicate this comment to specifically saying this is awesome..."And the men on the corner smoke tobacco though blackened lips
Dirty from kissing all the chimneys
They have carved themselves out a few footprints"
-Creatress----@ -
I see the fall and ruin of a time that passes, captured beautifully in squallored metaphor, you been around the block a time or two I take it, and shows in the raw no bullshit method of your writing. Keep carving those footprints.
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very nicly put
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A terrible but beautiful picture of city life. I can almost imagine seeing thse scenes in this messed up world we live in. Goes very well with the title I have provided you, I must say. I thought this write was quite cleverly made.
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