Little cluster of pecking 'chicks'
in the church hall,
leader strutting her
best stage voice as we pass:
"How sweet! In a QUEER
sort of a way!" *snickering*
My cheeks flare and hand flies,
a frighted finch from its perch
on my daughter's steadying arm,
waiting for her thirteen years
to shrink self-consciously,
describe (as her older siblings had)
by a three-stride margin
the impossibility of kinship.
Mindcry of
"You vicious, stylish pit vipers!
Pray God no ill-hap
befall your spiked-heel-less years!
And of all your quiver,
if but one slim, polished shaft of a child
be content to pace your unsure way,
bear sweetly smiling
your fortunes and company,
may Heaven steer her
(as from Hell's mawing gate)
from such as you be now!"
A kind, inquisitive look,
a nearing step, and she reaches,
bridges the gap between us to
grasp my portless hand,
gently guide it anew
to haven-crook of her arm.
Hearing, she did not turn aside;
she did not even break stride!
Author notes
I am blessed beyond all measuring!
In a list
A contest entry
- *POD* = Poem of the Day by Arkbear.
300 points, ended July 8, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITES CONTEST....PREWRITES CONTEST by Summer Dawn.
450 points, ended July 31, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Oh this is wonderful, your daughter indeed sounds like an angel, you are a lucky mom, and she is a lucky daughter! This is a brilliant poem. In particular, "Mindcry" "impossibility of kinship" and "grasp my portless hand,
gently guide it anew
to haven-crook of her arm." really grabbed me. Wow!
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Thank you, Mallig, for reading and commenting. Yes, I am incredibly blessed!
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this is a very soft and gentle write, interresting to read, and i'm sure the one whome u speak of here is honored to have had you write about them. thanks for sharing.
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Super Write ~
I want to thank you for participating in the *POD*
If you have received this message, then your write
will be considered and was worthy of my time, as well as yours
for submitting a piece of Art which I found extremely worth reading ~
The best to you in the POD for July 7th, 2007 ~
Your poem will also be considered for the *POM* for July ~
( The Poem of the Month )
Bear ~
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EXCELLENT piece!
WOW ... did you just attend a Shakespeare festival or what?!?!?! This is so elegant it sounds as though you are continuing the Bard's work 21st century! Stanza 3 is especially eloquent: "may Heaven steer her/ (as from Hell's mawing gate)/ from such as you be now!" WONDERFULLY translucent imagery -- I can fairly see your anger burning hotly as you stand in the church hallway.
The couplet closer is stellar; in fact, I had to reread this and count to ensure you weren't writing a sonnet (albeit one full of indignation vs. the typical pastoral or romantic versions Shakespeare elevated to an art form.)
A couple of questions: 1) Line 11 – “describe” seems to need work. Replace with “described” or “describing” perhaps (prefer former as –ing verbs are less active.) I had to reread this stanza many times to get your meaning. 2) Line 15 – did you misspell with “viscious?” I think you mean “vicious” (savagely aggressive); it’s possible you mean “viscous” (thick liquidity, sticky) … just double-check that.
Content: OK … lemme see if I got this. You are walking down a church corridor probably holding hands with another lady. A bevy of teens led by a 13-year-old passes you by and she remarks about how “queer” (and not meaning odd) you look. You drop hands, indignant, and think that if one child ever needs HER help, may Heaven take her in another direction. Is this right? Stanza 3 is what’s so interesting: she passes you, gives you a sweet look, takes your hand into the crook of her arm, and begins to guide you. She never heard what you were thinking (of course) and you feel blessed (and a bit ashamed) for what you thought? How far off am I?
This is exceedingly well-written. LOVE the concept behind it … nothing as demoralizing as watching the sheep eat other sheep at CHURCH! *deep sigh*
Thanks for sharing this vignette, Girl. Several clappy thingies for ya!
-- Caroligné
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Caroligne;
Thank you for your comment and suggestions! I redid the second stanza, hope it is clearer what is happening. Thank you for catching the viscious/vicious typo! "Describe" I believe I will stick with, as it was anticipated, not yet in process or in the past.
Though she wears flesh, I believe my daughter is an angel. I could not previously have imagined such a young person not troubled away from helping by the nasty verbal shots of the older, popular, stylish teens.
If the changes haven't made it clear that my daughter is the heroine of this piece, I will need help to clarify it further, and would be most glad of any suggestions!
Thank you again for your helpful comment, and the applause!
Mirthryl
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This is beautiful and poignant. You have really captured a moment here and I felt as if I was privy to it, like I was there as an invisible witness to this event and your emotions as well. I love the wording used and the unusual phrasings like:
"spiked heeless years"
"as from Hell's mawing gate"
"to haven-crook of her arm."
"polished shaft of a child"
I love the allusion to the scriptural imagery of children as arrows of our quiver. I don't know if this is a real or imagined event of which you write but if real then it would seem that you have a true and lovely arrow of which to be proud.
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Thank you, Everwind Rising, for your comment and applause.
Indeed, I have a true and lovely arrow, who does not find it below her shaping to happily serve as a walking-stick, when that is what is needed! I am daily gifted her smiling encouragement and support.
Mirthryl
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