From night’s wide fields of moon and stars
sticks out a redden rose in drips of melodies
Tis my love with a rose in one palm
or perhaps my very mind
consumed of all of his love?
Oh, if love could touch my eyes again
and end my lover’s words
when he said “I love you”
to stay within the dream I was
If only the morning could come after the night
would then keep the stars and sun aligned
and all dimness side by side
to complete our lovely dream...
You were of someone carved in my very essence
So hard to convince my very heart
to ever believe in love
the way you spoke to me so deep,
stunning
my whole being again and again
the way it felt as if you were my found man
thus far you kept me as your true women,
those many comforting laughs and bliss,
enjoying you sweet trust and your compliments,
thou my friends told me of love distance relationships...
Ohh must someone could pick out the rose
out of the sky for me
to keep me from remembering!!!!
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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well penned
I liked this besides 2 lines that to me didn't fully fit into the poem properly:-
If only the morning could come after the night
would then keep the stars and sun aligned
Besides that it was a great write. Thankyou for entering and best of luck in the contest
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You have a very interesting style of wording in this. And I really liked the way you ended the poem, which, to me, brought out emotions of longing and sadness. You also carry the symbol of the rose nicely throughout the write.
Just a note, there are a couple of typos..."women" instead of "woman" in the second to last stanza, also "you" instead of "your" 2 lines below that. The punctuation is a little sporadic, but I think follows your thoughts, and the capping of letters helped guide me through it for flow.
I can relate to the line:
"You were of someone carved in my very essence"
and I've been in a couple of long-distance relationships. But just because you may not see someone every day, doesn't mean it's any less painful when it ends.
Thank you for your entry in the contest, and good luck to you.
Best wishes,
~J. -
wow sweetie..
this was such a lovely poem i loved reading it, really you have talent i must say, great wright thanks so much for adding your poem in the contest i loved it bunches..much love..xoxox -
"You were of someone carved in my very essence"
I like the layout of this, the colours and the background.
But must you use excessive exclamation marks?
Thank you for entering.
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that is the freedom of me expressing myself and the right puntuaction mark for my fustration... must you know that?
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awsome. your a very good,and describtive, writer. i read three of your other poems and they were just as good.
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Lots of emotion in these lines - filled with vivid visuals. Do you mean as your true woman, rather than women in that last line of the second last verse?
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Outstanding
This poem is full of imagery. You create a vivid picture and I liked the ending,very visual and romantic with a splash of humour. This poem is full of detail and is well-written. Best of luck in the contest.
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thank so much for your beautiful comment
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