Freedom feels like nightime rushing against my face
Lace
-ravelled doily edges of rain.
Sweeping through ageless long tresses standing straight out behind
Find
a coolness nestled against my hot neck.
Streamlined breezes racing down a sleek back
black
reflection of what was daytime's light
Pouring air arrows pointing to what held me fast
last.
Watery eyes like slits stare down time.
A contest entry
- ~Pay It Forward 1 day~ by Frozentearz.
525 points, ended July 7, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-Writes That Deserve A trophy by piccola.
600 points, ended August 9, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I see the rider bent over, his neck against the horse, the mane blowing in the wind as he runs ... maybe like an arabian, neck arched and tail stretched out. Beautiful. I also like the rhyme you used here. Effortless work lol.
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I am adding you to my favourites.
This is lovely - the clicky sounds of the language, the internal rhymes...they're well constructed and subtly done. This feels very casual and non-effortful...and I mean that in an entirely positive way: it's not worked to death, and feels easily done. Which is how poetry should feel, I think. No matter how much blood (and sweat and tears) has gone into it.
Loooooooovely.
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I would asume that mane and tail refer to a horse running within the breeze of the wind as MyrddinEmrys
did very creative indeed,
Thanks for joining in,
Warm thoughts
Frozentearz -
I was lost on this one can you give me a clue
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Equine excellence!
A beautiful black stallion, coursing through the night... running like the wind, through the wind, with the wind... as the Wind...
Wondrous imagery, dramatic form... A perfect portrait.
Shine on, bright star
Rahad
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