Goddess Brigit, will you, bless all poets.
Sew seeds that flurish in their fertile minds.
Telling stories from the world of secrets.
Help writers make their poetry spellbind.
At the birth of each new day, be present.
For new life and new thoughts be there to bless.
May their work be inspired and vibrant.
Help them to write the words their hearts express.
Reworked second stanza.
At the birth of each new dawn be present
to bless their thoughts at the start of their day.
May their work be inspired and vibrant.
Help them to express all they need to say.
Author notes
Goddess Briget of the celtic tribe from where Britain
got her name
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Meter Workshop - Incantations by Epistomolus.
875 points, ended July 21, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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This is a wonderful invocation of the muse, inspiration, a little prayer that one might say just before beginning the day's writing session. The tone and flow are entirely appropriate, as you sit down in calm reflection and prepare to write.
You've opted for syllabic poetry rather than metered poetry. Your first line has eleven syllables, though, so you might want to adjust it. I think it will help with the flow. As I frequently point out, ten syllables is exactly the right amount for a complete thought in English. Each line of your poem is a complete sentence, but each is a building block of the stanza and the poem as a whole - nicely done.
Spellbind is a transitive verb, and I've never seen it used the way you have it here (usually you hear about someone being "spellbinding" or someone being "spellbound"). I checked my dictionary, it's a word, and I guess you can use it this way. I would expect it more along the lines of "help writers spellbind readers," but it's there for the rhyme, and if you like it, you should keep it.
One line, though, is really twisted: For new life and new thoughts be there to bless (Be there to bless new life and new thoughts). Again, it's a transitive verb (you're supposed to bless something), so it's hard to get it to the end of the line without either bending the grammar as you've done, or using enjambment to complete the thought on the next line. You could "Bless new life with peace and happiness" or any of a thousand -nesses (kindness, crankiness, Loch Ness - sorry, forgive my glibness) to convey the same meaning but make the line read like prose.
It's particularly important in syllabic verse that the lines read like normal prose. Sometimes getting the stresses in the right places tempts us to play with word order - if you're not rearranging things to get the stresses in the right place, but just to get the rhyme, it seems as though you're not working hard enough and should give it another twiddle or two.
Fixing just a couple of minor bumps in the poem would make it read more smoothly, allowing it to flow from the page directly into the brain and heart. You have such a good message here, I think it's worth another tweak or two to make it communicate just a bit more effectively. -
What an excellent way of blessing all the poets and their gift. This should be published for all to say before beginning their deep expressions. Thank you for my prayer, I needed that. Hope, you win gold with this one.
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