andrew eisenschenk
I.
an open table near the window.
as she closes in on it, her food in hand,
there’s this pause on life.
her body stops. stalls.
progress, lost.
another meal into the garbage.
she’s out the door, digging for her cigarettes
in her oversized bag.
finding one, she lights it.
and instant gratification.
before she thinks of him.
II.
the road seems to guide the car,
the music, a path.
and it’s summer.
the air outside the windows
pouring in, as if a breeze.
the humidity of night.
she puts her hand outside
of the cars metal frame,
lets it gently glide through the wind.
and out of the corner of her eye
she can see him watching her,
smiling ever so slightly.
and as she looks at herself
in the soft darkness
of the side-view mirror,
she wonders.
do I love him?
and then,
do I love him enough?
III.
the city outside her apartment moves.
there is life to every street.
she keeps her windows open
through the summer,
listens to the habitual sounds
of each hour.
sprawled across her sofa.
and she remembers being asked
at first, about her ex-boyfriend.
how she couldn’t answer them,
how she felt incapable of words.
though she had to correct them.
“my boyfriend.”
and she’d seen it set in their eyes.
she didn’t deserve her title.
it was deception.
lies.
indecision.
fear.
her body
contorted,
shaped,
fashionably hanging.
and a blade.
to take his life.
and then it washes over her,
as if the nothing before
had been nothing at all,
compared to the complete
lack,
of now.
IV.
she whispers this,
as to not let it escape her reaches;
“i look back on it.
sometimes i wonder
if it was all that clearly my fault.
if i drove him to this.”
and she wants to cry,
but not now, not these moments,
as she’s being held in her lovers arms.
lightly taken along to dreams.
Author notes
to go along with, "if each day had a voice, and could speak of loss."
In a list
A contest entry
- [CONTEST] Round 1; Intriguing Personas, Impacted Lives by MissPennyLane.
300 points, ended September 20, 2007, 37 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Enjoyed the point of view this was delivered in. Wonderful expression and great use of form. Best of luck to you in this contest.
Bella
-
Such a variety of entries in this contest - will make for interesting judging. So many different sections to this write - all connected through time.
-
This is awesome, the style of this punctuates the emotion and the message, makes this very powerful. Bravo.
-
it was ok. not my favorite but ok.
-
Okay - the first comment is lost - so an abbreviated version:
Good, strong write. 3rd person narrative works, but leaves some information out that I think would benefit the poem. For example, in section 3, who are 'they'? I like the ambiguities, but want more.
-
a beautiful write
hey hey ma dear poet... I was not very sure what made you write this one till I saw your author notes...
Infact this is a marvellous peice of poetry with a terrific imaginary subject..
I liked that i read it.
Believe me everypart is so beautiful..
And.. this one...."she whispers this,
as to not let it escape her reaches;
“i look back on it.
sometimes i wonder
if it was all that clearly my fault.
if i drove him to this.”
and she wants to cry,
but not now, not these moments,
as she’s being held in her lovers arms.
lightly taken along to dreams"
Is the most heart capturing....
May God bless you!!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
