Trying Not to Love

I.  Innocence

Age is a step, wall, restraint
barrier: keeps my shoes cemented
soul sealed, dying,
weeping.

You are so lovely.

I would give,
the worldly heavens, more
to take you up,
a whisper, if only
to hold…

No.
I need, you
are untouchable.

I will keep my conscience
laced, tied to the bones, rueful.

I am no monster.



II. Defeat

Why?
One glance, your eyes,
the clock has stopped.
if only, our breath itself
ceased and my lungs
collapsed, maybe
I could stop this.

Please
your lips betray youth
hidden, innocent as a dandelion.
I can’t…

Why do you want me?

If I broke my knees, prayed
begged for mercy, strength
to maintain grip on leaking
morals, still
I could not stop this
kiss.

(I am sorry)



III. Monster

Holding
on each step we take
together, thief- when we touch
exquisite
you have my heart wrapped
in the breath between
sheets, shaking.

why do I love you?

Here: stay now
in the gooseflesh
of heat rising,
heart writhing;
damaged

I have lost my mind.



IV. Deceit

Pathetic:
words to which there
are no truth, no hard,
solid ground to tread
on, only this, which
we can’t capture.

A lie as elusive as the
force beneath your breast,
alluring.

Take this, yell it
from the rooftops.
Forget the misery in lies
this is our burden,
yours.

What you wanted

I could not
resist, even with the unkempt
knowledge of seniority, no

there is no wisdom in age
only barbarism and frailty.



V. Destruction

the slate, no longer
blank, blinks at me
undeniably dark, ominous

I know this can’t last.

the secrets, deep, dark
infamy, gnaws away at the
conscience, not yours or mine,
we are far below that,
but the surrounding eyes
penetrate, spies
develop a sixth sense,
find unfit love and dissolve
it like mad men.

The broken locks should
have warned me,
you fogged my vision, blind
you are inside, now
never leave.

You destroy me.