Our sanguine tryst
Met at the corner of
Her eyes and the world.
Soft and saturated,
She would paint me onto thin
Tan
Human canvas...
And with each stroke
My Aphrodite would burn.
There I would undo myself in ribbons,
Succulent strips of woman
Filled with illusion and time.
I settled thick onto her mind,
And sang siren melodies to make
Brother suns, opiate jewels take me.
And she moved like wind shifted sand,
Cornerless dark,
To taste me at my very core
Where blood ran undisturbed and hot
Over supple lips.
Curious desire risen
Like honey or tar,
As smoke curl eyes wrapped
Tight about hips, legs of rope,
I breathed myself into her like
Storm pulsing, seething sex...
Only I have felt her tense.
Living deep inside of something more like
Trust than fervor,
Where lovers thrive in thins veils of azure and umber.
Author notes
Hopefully it's obvious, but I chose the third option.
Hmmm... the ending bit about azure and umber is a refernce to our eye colors... as is the brother suns (her brown eyes) and the smoke curl eyes (my blue/grey ones.)
This started out as prose, but I believe it's better suited in a poetic format.
Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think.
A contest entry
- contest 2 by This heart of black.
450 points, ended July 18, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Sky is Alive by sweetpearl.
2975 points, ended July 29, 2007, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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beautiful piece
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This burns hot with images to prick the senses. Aptly titled. Every veil reveals something else within this. I enjoyed reading this.
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This is brillant, the imagery is strong and holds alot of powerful images. Definately a captivating piece and I really am unsure what else to write but it is amazingly penned!
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superb
The mind here contemplates sensuality, it is a master once let loose..metaphore and images of power of the
feline , once the apple is offered...full of metaphoric
inuendos..just flows poetic of sensuality and
a hidden fatal attraction....
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"with each stroke
My Aphrodite would burn."
that is a gorgeous image; every time I read it, it becomes more powerful. It brings an intriguing scene to the mind of the reader.
I love the rhyme at the very end of the piece; you kind of snuck it in there, and I didn't catch it until I read the piece a second time. The rhyme ties everything in and leaves the poem feeling complete.
The illustrations in the poem jump off the page. I could quote a lot of amazing lines, but I'd just end pasting the entire work into the comment box.
This piece is intimate and wonderfully executed. It doesn't become cliche. And this is in a category all its own on technique alone.
Excellent work.
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I cannot begin to describe the incredible word choice in this piece. Also, this is probably one of the best pieces I have read in a long time. It is beautifully sensual and delicious. The phrases you come up with are uniquely crafted and your originality shines through here. In my opinion, this piece is utter brilliance and makes me feel wanted and needy for this kind of attention. So some stellar lines:
"She would paint me onto thin
Tan"
--reminds me of skin on skin. Softness of bodies rubbing is so delightful to picture. Your imagery throughout this piece astounds me and knocks me to the ground. Wickedly sexy, woman.
"I settled thick onto her mind"
--excellent phrasing. The way I think this piece illuminates a room could never be described in words because words do no justify feelings. Seriously, I'm just dumbfounded.
"And she moved like wind shifted sand,
Cornerless dark"
--I mean, need I say anymore? You can tell I'm in love with this piece. I want to rest it against the wounds in my heart, perhaps your soft words will cure the fever.
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awesome entry, this is very soft and i love the flow. good luck to you and thanx
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I love this,
very soft and sensual!
good luck and thankyou.
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