Oh fire, symbol of beautiful sin,
Bid thy high flames to kiss my skin.
So slowly I might become the purged;
Rid my body of all evils that surged.
And as my flesh burns and I smell the reek,
May I be restored with a virgin physique:
Long hair, soft voice, and eyes void of stain
All in exchange for quick nerve-ending pain.
Then, let flame turn to cold barren ash,
Leaving behind a hot ember rash-
A reminder of my heart-hardend deal,
A receipt for the goodness in my heart I now feel.
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Meter Workshop - Incantations by Epistomolus.
875 points, ended July 21, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *POD* = The Poem of the Day by Arkbear.
300 points, ended July 7, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
^^
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Nice
well this is a masterfully penned well written poem and I love your rhythm flow and beat through out the poem. your concept of the poem is very interesting and yuor wording are quite unique. nice methaphors through out makes this an all round good poem. keep up the good work.
Signed, Paul 
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Very excellent writing. Sounds wiccan, the words are beautiful.Bid thy high flames to kiss my skin. Lovely
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I like this. While it doesn't have a set meter, it has a rhythm and flows rather easily.
Your rhymes are clean, though "Rid my body of all evils that surged" sounds like a bit of a reach for me, just trying to make a rhyme - the rest sound more natural.
I like the length of the poem. It seems to me that if someone were purging themselves in fire, this is just long enough to take the person past the point of tolerance. What would be interesting is if the language and rhythm reflected the speaker's distress at remaining in the fire, even as it becomes intolerable - shrieking the last lines before the flames are quenched.
I'm a little confused by the ending - a receipt is normally given in exchange for something (I give you money, you give me a product and a receipt.) If you have received goodness and a receipt, I don't understand the exchange, or why it would harden your heart. Understand, I'm not being picky or facetious - I'm taking your poem seriously, and it leaves me with these questions.
And if I have these questions, and you've made me think this much, the poem must be a success. If you don't want to change this poem, you might consider the comments I've made and submit another that shows the kind of rhythmic development I described - imagine the speaker is performing the ritual - what language would be appropriate and help the conjurer to keep focus on the spell?
-Epistomolus -
Not Bad ~
As a fan of Formed, Rhyme Scheme and Metered
Writes, I found this Very good ~
The Theme fell a bit shgort of grabbing my attention ~
The flow was Great ~
The Presentation is a bit raw ~
Grammatical choices well chosen ~
Not sure if this was written today though, because
it says one day old.....but I think it was
because you're 3 hours ahead of me ~
That will not affect your score ~
I believe it was written July 6th ~
Bear ~
The best to you
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Magic !!
I Thought this was magic. It certainly gets my vote for best spell for all women. Really well done xx
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