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Her Greatest Disguise

Little bouncing curls
And great brown eyes
Act as if
They're her greatest disguise

Her parents don't know
But she's feeling real sad
They don't suspect it either,
As if they don't care,
What's good or bad

"What's that on your arm?" Her mom asked one day
"Oh, it's just marker, it'll fade away."
And she belived it, oh yes,
And she beleived it best
She knows her mom still suspects

One day she will say
One day she'll give way
She'll tell them all
One day she'll fall
They all know, and that's a fact,
But when she tells
They'll have a heart attack
What's on her arm-
What she's been feeling-
And maybe they'll notice
How much she's been bleeding

Author notes

Yes, this is me!

'Emotion~Overrated~Underappreciated~Overwhelming'

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • as.phy.xi.ate.
    December 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This piece from the notes was written on a personal level and I enjoyed reading it, it had a story to tell. The rhyme however I kept losing but thats just
    at the tempo i read it!

    What's on her arm-
    What she's been feeling-
    And maybe they'll notice
    How much she's been bleeding

    That would be my favorite part of the piece!

    Thanks for your entry
    ~Katie


  • as.phy.xi.ate.
    November 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Quote for Comment, Message when done


  • Never Fall in Love
    October 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not sure of what to say. The content of the poem was alright - but I felt you could have gone much deeper. Aye, you're 11. Let's start over then. You've done a good job seeing your age - I'd just recommend you to revise it a bit as the rhymes started feeling forced twoards the end.
    You're still very young - there's no point in cutting yourself - you've got to sit back and relax.

    By the way, you might want to use a spellcheck "disguise" and many other words.

    Thank you for entering, and good luck
    Never ♥


  • inspired torture
    October 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    AMAZINGLY DONE

    i truly can find me in this piece... good write... PEACE


  • storiesuntold gold member
    September 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    This is too sad

    I cant imagine anyone wanting to hurt themselves . Did you realize that it might hurt them worse if you let them know and also to know why you feel this way . Could you be truthful with them even though you feel they arent truthful with you . Please dont harm your body thinking it will change others .For thats your own temple you are carving on they will never feel a thing is wrong unless you tell them . For sometimes parents get so wrapped up in everyday life they stop looking at what is right in front of them . Please dont do this to yourself please


  • The Reapers Angel
    July 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is very cool, sweet and happy on the outside, hurt and crying on the inside...
    I love this, and thank you for telling me about this sis!


  • Naznomarn
    July 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    You can always talk to me if you need!
    And I'll send you my armies of hugs to try cheer you up!
    Good writeiness though!
    But yes, about 75% of stuff here is o=
    Buuut we all need to let stuff out sometimes!


  • MoonlightBeam
    July 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is so deep but don't ever give up, I'm here for u your like my lil sis
    love ya muches


  • Honestly Amazing
    July 5, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    er, kera, hate to break this to you, but mom already knows. She's not stupid, or ignorant, she's not a ditz.
    *pretends you have little bouncing curls*
    This was actually pretty good though.
    As I was washing the mineral rich dead sea mud off of my face in the bathroom and you told me the name of the poem was going to be "Her greatest Disguise" I immediately knew it was going to be about a depressed girl pretending to be happy. No offense, but although it's a good poem, it's wicked cliche. I'd bet that 75% of the poems on allpoetry are about cutting, emo people, depression, etc etc etc. Try writing about something that NO ONE else will think of, something totally original so that people will look at your poem and envy you because they didn't think of it first. Sew the words together with magic and cradle each syllable in you're mind with all the care in the world, and even if it turns out to be a bad poem people will still like it because of all the magic it holds within it. It's the same with stories. Not trying to promote, but that's how it was with my story "Watching The Stars". Even though it wasn't the best writing I've ever done, the peeps who read it absolutely loved it because I put so much care into each letter I typed, whether they knew it or not. Write something happy even if you aren't happy, write something bubbly that people will memorize because they have just read it so many times ^^. That is the absolute best way to write a poem or short story, and this is the absolute longest comment I've ever written. Damn, my iPods outta battery... x.x well, I have to go because you have to sign out and stuff x.x so bye!!!
    ,
    The person in the world that did the best sculpture of a mermaid in pottery class today (aka samantha or drummer-in-drag )
    W00T W00T!!!!

1 - 13 of 13